Hermione, the Queen of Hogwarts (filk)

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 7941

Hermione, the Queen of Hogwarts

 (to the tune of Lydia The Tattooed Lady) 

 (The Scene:  The Gryffindor common room. Enter HARRY POTTER, NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM, GEORGE, FRED and RON WEASLEY, all sporting greasepaint mustaches and carrying large cigars.  They gather round the piano, at which Dean Thomas performs). 

ALL: Hermione, Hermione, we say without irony

Hermione, the queen of libraries

GW: Her IQ shatters every record

FW: Her brain was designed by Hewlett-Packard

ALL: Hermione, Hermione, sing we 'round the piany

Hermione, the queen of Hogwarts

NL: She's read every book on the library shelves

HP: Her test scores now average one hundred and twelve

RW & FW: She's the founder of SPEW who will free all the elves 

ALL: She does know it all, that Hermione!

La la la la la la, etc.

 

HP & RW: While out on a stroll she once strayed 'cross a troll

And so she became our friend in need

GW & FW: She's been turned into stone, trapped in the mer-people's zone

NL & HP: But for her we would gladly eat gillyweed 

 

ALL: Hermione, Hermione, stamp her face on the ha'penny,

Hermione the queen of Hogwarts

FW: Someday she'll be our Valedictorian

RW & GW: Bringing glory to all of Gryffindorean

ALL: Hermione, Hermione, may we ask with proprieny, 

On who will you bestow your heart?

NL: Will Harry to your charms eventually succumb?

GW & FW: Will this greatest of honors go to Viktor Krum?

ALL (except RW): And as for Ron Weasley, won't he feel dumb

If he loses the hand of Hermione?

La La La La La, etc

RW: She can whip up a mean batch of Polyjuice

GW & FW: She helps Neville whenever he's all obtuse

NL: She's a bulwark against Voldy's comin' doom

HP: She can teach you a spell that will summon brooms

 

NL: If there's a question in class, her hand shoots up

HP: She assists Hagrid to nail all his Skrewts up

GW & FW: She got Pomfrey to jazz with her dentals

RW: So at the Yule Ball she was pure dazzlementals

 

ALL: Hermione, Hermione, we all say without ennui

Hermione, the queen of Hogwarts

HP & NL: She used the time turner to gain extra bounce 

RW & FW: She forced Rita Skeeter her ways to renounce

ALL: Weren't we ever glad once we learned to pronounce

The tongue-twisting name of Hermione!

La La La La La La

 

HP: I said Her-my-oh-nee

GW: He said Hermy-one

NL: He said Herm-own-ninny

HP & RW: We said Her-MY-on-e

 

(they simultaneously light their cigars, which - since they were provided by Fred and George - all promptly explode)

 

ALL:  La La!

 

  - CMC



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