Reconciliation Time (was Death of Harry & G.W. Voldemort)

[Aberforths_Goat]

No: HPFGUIDX 5405

> Yes, of course, you are correct - instead of killing any other characters
in
> Books Five-Seven, Voldemort will show his unimaginable evil by causing
huge
> unsightly warts to appear on the noses of his opponents.

<still giggling> Glad you've seen the light, Caius!  ;-)

But we need to take this a step further.  Sooner or later they'll figure out
which of our presidential candidates won (or maybe we could all settle on
the dead one . )--and then it'll be time for reconciliation. Which is always
hard.

So, just to get us warmed up, I hereby propose a more humane resolution to
the HP series, too:

EPILOGUE (Year 2010)

Voldemort has nearly completed rehabilitation in a private clinic for
delusionally psychopathic sorcerers. Biological gardening, carpentry and
cold showers every morning have brought out the tender heart we always knew
he had.  He does suffer occasional relapses, though--particularly when the
House Parents make him spread manure on hot summer days--muttering things
under his breath like, "Gosh darn that avra ka-beep-beep-ed slave driver!"

Fellow patient Lucius Malfoy (known to the wizarding community as Lucky
Luke) emancipated two years ago and is considered a text book case of moral
re-polarization, known for his prize pumpkins, not to mention his inspiring
autobiography: _Lost my Elf and Found Myself_ (All proceeds directed to the
Mungo's newly opened Outpatient Day Clinic  for Socially Challenged Underage
Wizards.)

Lucky Luke's son, Dr. D. Malfoy, assumed directorship of the MODCSCUW last
fall.  From his inaugural address: "Back in 2006 we started our
cross-gifting socialization project, integrating young pure-bloods into
non-magical kindergarten and primary school programs. Ladies and Gentleman,
the results were amazing! Today 87% of wizard-born Hogwarts entrants possess
a basic knowledge of reading and counting, which significantly reduces the
old impression that Mud Bloods are intellectually superior to racially pure
Wizards. In the old days, insecure adolescents used the Dark Arts to
compensate. They don't need that anymore. Today's pure bloods don't just
think they're better--they even know how to write it out!"

Snape, as it turns out, is James: Due to an emotionally scarred childhood,
James developed a multiple corporality disorder, with two separate,
emotionally opposite personalities existing in two different bodies. Thanks
to extensive psychoanalysis and a lot of sex, Snape has regained the half of
his identity Voldemort once destroyed--and Harry the father he always knew
he loved. Excerpt from an interview with Time Turner Inc.: "Well, Rita, if
it hadn't been for your soul-searching reporting, I'd never have been
reconciled with my inner hunk."

Life hasn't been quite as easy for Professor Snape's son, though. At a
personal level, Big Harry had trouble adjusting to Voldemort's change of
heart, and his narrow specialization in Defense Against the Dark Arts proved
unfortunate, given the contemporary job market. However, he enjoys high
demand as a body double in B-films, thanks to those anatomical proportions
which have since become legendary in the HP Fan community.

Recently asked about his plans for the future, Big Harry answered, "Yo, I
got like this awesome breakthrough? My agent's just about got me a part in
the next Baywatch series--I mean, hotdog!!!" When asked about his physical
appearance, Harry responded, "They're like 'Not bad--you can pull your
trunks up, kid--but you gotta do something about that forehead'--and I go,
'Hey, what are plastic surgeons *for,* anyway? You think I'd trade those
babes for this dumb scar??'"

THE END

(There's nothing like a vacation for getting yourself into trouble ... )

Aberforth's Goat (a.k.a. Mike Gray)
http://profiles.yahoo.com/aberforths_goat