The Daily Profit -- Snape Speaks (Political but Harryesque)

[Dave Hardenbrook]

No: HPFGUIDX 5563

Early this morning Professor Severus Snape called a press conference
on W-SPAN (Wizard's Spellcraft Public Affairs Network) to make
known his views on the recount in Florida:

"Let us be abundantly clear about this," Professor Snape said in a voice as
oily as his hair, "I am Potions Master at Hogwarts, and when we have 
"bubble in"
tests*, the student must mark only ONE answer.  Also, he or she must ensure
that the bubble is within a billionth of a centimeter of the correct size 
and alignment
and the bubble's color must be within a quadrillionth of a micron of 
wavelength in
the correct shade of pink.  Otherwise, the answer will be marked wrong 
and/or the
vote counting machine will explode and completely crash the Wizard Wide Web.
Just yesterday, I fed Miss Granger's test sheet in the machine upside down 
and for
the first time ever she got 0% on a test.  Miss Granger lodged a ridiculous 
protest,
which I of course nullified, pointing out that if she wished her test to be 
recorded
correctly she should have handed it to me with the tiny little arrow that 
any *real*
wizard (i.e. a Pure-Blood) would have seen pointing towards myself.  Students
are not given the opportunity to correct their dumb, stupid mistakes; the same
should be true of voters.  Good day."

* (A "bubble-in" test is one in which in which the student uses his/her wand
to materialize a perpetual soap bubble next to the correct answer.)

                                         -- Dave


P.S. The above was based on the comments of a schoolteacher who just called
in on C-SPAN and a *real* incident that happened to me in High School!  (When
"Snape" was finally persuaded to swallow his total loathing of me and feed 
the test
card through correctly, I got 98%.)


                                                 -- Dave