A TRANSCRIPT FROM WIZARD RADIO

[eggplant88 at hotmail.com]

No: HPFGUIDX 5794

               A TRANSCRIPT FROM WIZARD RADIO

I'll bet you're too cheap to shell out a few Galleons for a Wizard 
Radio so I made a transcript of a recent broadcast.
================================= 
[The closing notes of The Weird Sisters famous tune "The Azkaban 
Blues" can be heard fading away]

Announcer: This is The Wizard Broadcasting Network. The time is 9pm.
  
Onrobonob: Hello I'm Omar Onrobonob and welcome to Witch Writer, the 
longest running series on wizard radio. Today it is my pleasure to 
have in our studios Arabella Figg and she is of course the author of 
the hugely popular series of Martin Miggs books. Her first 
novel "Martin Miggs the Mad Muggle" burst upon the literary scene 
three yeas ago and quickly went to number 1 on the wizard best 
selling list, and even today it is number 4, beaten only by her other 
3 books, "Martin Miggs And The Internet", "Martin Miggs And The Rise 
Of The NASDAQ" and "Martin Miggs And The Tax Audit". With only 4 
books written in a planed 7 part series She is already the best 
selling witch in history. How did you come up with the idea for 
Martin?

Figg: I was on the train to Hogwarts to confer with my boss when out 
of the blue I pictured a brilliant muggle boy who could do no magic 
but could do things even more amazing just by using his wits. For the 
last 7 years my job only kept me really busy for 2 month in the 
summer so I had plenty of time to write. 

Onrobonob: And an interesting job you had too, I want to go into that 
a little later but first my two kids made me promise to ask you if 
Martin will go bankrupt at the end of book 7?

Figg:[laughing] Now you didn't expect me to tell you that did you?

Onrobonob: No I guess not, but there is a scene in the last book 
where one of the characters suffers a horrifying bankruptcy; people 
love Martin and are worried the same thing will happen to him. After 
all the stock in Martin's "NASDAQ" company is way down and he's been 
having all that trouble with "accounts receivable". I hope I 
pronounced those words correctly.

Figg: Yes you did. Children always ask about the company's price 
earnings ratio, and if Martin's best friend John will betray him and 
join forces with the evil Taxman, I'm flattered they care so much 
about one of my fictional characters but you'll just have to wait and 
see.

Onrobonob: For me the most beautiful and delightful thing the books 
is your invention of the "Internet", I found the chapter on TCP/IP 
packet exchange authorization and nonlinear error correcting codes 
and protocols absolutely charming!

Figg: That and the chapter about the CMOS Epitaxial Semiconductor 
Foundry are the chapters children seem to enjoy the most.

Onrobonob: Yes, and you describe it so exquisitely, so poetically, 
that I almost started to feel like this fantasy world could actually 
exist.

Figg: Well that's the trick in writing fantasy isn't it, you've got 
to make it seem real. I just got to thinking how people could 
communicate if they couldn't use owls or even do the simplest magic, 
and then I just let my imagination run wild.

Onrobonob: We have to pause now to hear a word from our sponsor, but 
when we come back I want to ask about your job which was as 
fascinating as anything in your books. We'll be right back.
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[The sounds of The Quidditch world cup can be heard in the background]

ED: Wow, did you see that Ed? Victor Krum almost got hit in the head 
with a Bludger!

TED: I sure did Ed, but with my new Subjunctive Spyscope I also saw 
what would have happened if the Bludger had hit him. My Subjunctive 
Spyscope can show me what the present would be like if things were 
different, I know what the game would have been like if it had been 
raining, or snowing, or what would have happened if Krum were playing 
Quidditch in a wedding dress. It's fun to see how small apparently 
unrelated events can change things, you should see what that last 
play would be like if Schubert had finished his unfinished symphony 
more than a century ago! I even saw what the game would have been 
like if iron floated or if 2+2=5 or if a rolling stone did gather 
moss.

ED: Wow, my Omnioculars can't do that!

TED: And I don't just use it for Quidditch, a Subjunctive Spyscope is 
great fun at parties. Last night I used it to see what things would 
look like if I'd married my old girlfriend Susan Piccolo when I was 
19 instead of my wife.

ED: Wow, a Subjunctive Spyscope must be expensive!

TED: Not at all ED, a Subjunctive Spyscope cost just 15 Galleons, 
that's not much more than what Omnioculars cost, and they do so much 
more.

ED: Wow, where can I buy a Subjunctive Spyscope?

Ted: You can only buy a Subjunctive Spyscope at Weasley's Wizard 
Wheezes.

ED: Wow, I'm going to buy a Subjunctive Spyscope at Weasley's Wizard 
Wheezes today!

Ted: You'll be glad you did!
=======================
Onrobonob: We're back, I'm talking to author Arabella Figg. I say 
author but in addition to your enormous success as a writer you've 
had an entire other life that I think is even more important, you 
played a unique part in the pro
======================== 
Skeeter: We interrupt this program for a special report I'm Rita 
Skeeter. All charges of antitrust violation and monopolizing the joke 
business made against Weasley Industries have just been dismissed by 
a magical court of justice. This stunning defeat of The Ministry Of 
Magic does not come as a total surprise to keen courtroom observers 
such as your humble reporter. Neville Longbottom has conducted an 
inept unfocused prosecution, he was unable to concentrate and at 
times he almost seemed afraid of the Weasley Industries defense 
council. Most were puzzled when the Weasley brothers put Severus 
Snape in charge of their defense, nobody could have predicted what a 
masterful job he would end up doing or that the prosecution would 
collapse at just the same time. It seems probable that the Weasley 
brothers, already the richest wizards on earth, will soon become even 
richer. I'll have more analysis on this developing story at the top 
of the hour. We now return you to Witch Writer, in progress. 
=======================
ragedy but I'm sure he wouldn't want us to dwell on that, life goes 
on. 

Onrobonob: Fascinating! That's the first time all those details have 
ever been made public. Let me get back to your life as a author and 
I'm sure you're asked this all the time but did some of your 
inspiration for Martin Miggs came from the life of Harry Potter, 
particularly at the end when Harry [show theme music starts to fade 
in] Oh I'm sorry, my producer tells me we're out of time, we'll have 
to invite you to continue this on another show. Thank you for being 
on Witch Writer.

Figg: Thank you, and thanks for not asking if Martin Miggs glamorizes 
un-wizarding values.

Onrobonob: [laughs] Some things are just too silly to discuss. Next 
week my guest will be Poppy Pomfrey and we'll talk about bubotuber 
pus. Goodnight.
===========================
DJ: Ok you wacky wizards and wild witches it's time to hear this 
weeks number one hit in the entire magical musical world, it's Dean 
Thomas with "I cursed the Auror, But I Didn't Kill The Deputy Too".