Clippings From The Daily Profit

[Susan McGee]

No: HPFGUIDX 3086

--- In HPforGrownups at egroups.com, eggplant88 at h... wrote:
> [As you probably know Molly Weasley's book has been number one on 
the 
> wizard's best seller list for 27 straight weeks now, but this is 
the 
> first negative review of it I've seen. The Daily Profit people 
won't 
> be happy about having their copyrighted review posted here but they 
> can't sue me, my real name isn't eggplant] 
> 
>                    BOTTOM OF THE BIRDCAGE  
>                       by Severus Snape *
> 
> It seems that anyone who had even a passing acquaintance with the 
man 
> is writing a book about Harry Potter, and people are actually 
reading 
> the silly things too. This dismal avalanche of stale books and the 
> unhealthy fascination the wizarding world has for Potter is a 
> puzzlement. Far from being the most naturally talented wizard in a 
> thousand years as many ludicrously call Harry Potter, his defeat of 
> lord Voldamort probably had as much to do with luck as anything 
else, 
> and he didn't even survive the encounter. The latest addition to 
this 
> distressing trend is by Molly Weasley [MY HARRY; Popular Witchcraft 
> Press; 236 pages, 5 galleons] Even though both books are about 
Potter 
> and both are flawed nobody could confuse this insipid fluff with 
the 
> scholarly tome written by her daughter in law Hermione Weasley 
> [HARRY'S WAR, The Life And Times of Harry Potter; Hogwarts 
University 
> Press; 1466 pages, 35 galleons]. At least Molly Weasley makes no 
> pretence of being an objective impartial observer of history, she 
> makes it clear  she was always fond of Mr Potter, and after he was 
of 
> some assistance to her daughter who go into a bit of trouble when 
she 
> was in her first year at Hogwarts, her motherly feelings toward him 
> really went into high gear. I'll spare you the boring details.   
> 
> However the book is not totally without entertainment value, in one 
> unintentionally hilarious scene immediately after he finishes the
> Tri-Wizard tournament, mighty heroic Harry Potter is depicted as 
> crying like a baby in the arms of Mrs Weasley. It seems that Harry 
> Potter had a guilty conscience about the death of Cedric Diggory. 
Now 
> that's interesting, but she does not explore this intriguing 
> revelation in greater detail, rather we are treated to page after 
> page of tedious  preparations for the marriage between Mr. Potter 
and 
> Mrs Weasley's daughter. From reading the book I'm sure Mrs Weasley 
> found these activities delightful, but why the author thought 
anyone 
> else would be interested in such an unimportant matter is a 
mystery, 
> after all it never amounted to anything, the marriage only lasted a 
> month. The only part of this long boring chapter of any interest is 
> when she overhears Potter casually say to her son Ronald that he 
> wants to write a will and get married as soon as possible because 
he 
> doesn't expect to live much longer. It seems to me to be the height 
> of irresponsibility to marry and father a child if you expected to 
> get killed soon, but Mrs Weasley has perversely chosen to interpret 
> this as heroism.
> 
> Mrs. Weasley goes on and on page after uninteresting page about
> Mr Potter's death by lord Voldamort and the effect it had on his 
wife 
> and friends, no doubt she was aiming for epic tragedy but what she 
> achieved was maudlin claptrap. This dumpy little woman would do 
well 
> to stay in the kitchen and leave the writing of books to those who 
> have an aptitude for it.  
>     
> _______________    
> * Severus Snape is the potions master at Hogwarts School Of 
> Witchcraft And Wizardry. His book "Manufactured Hero, the Building 
of 
> the Potter Myth" will be published early next year by Slytherin 
> Press.  
> 
> ====================================================================
> [The day after the above review was published I found this report 
> also in The Daily Profit, and on page one]
> 
> 
>                  STRANGE MALADY AFFLICTS PROFESSOR 
> 
> Professor Severus Snape was taken ill today as he was giving the 
> first of a series of planed public lectures promoting his upcoming 
> book about Harry Potter. Ronald Weasley was in the audience at the 
> time and talked to reporters. Obviously struggling to keep his 
voice 
> under control he said "It's all so very sad, he had just opened his 
> mouth to start the lecture when his tongue started to swell, in 
less 
> than a minute it was 4 feet long, then he started running around 
the 
> stage dragging his tongue behind him making this odd little 
squeaking 
> sound. I just happened to have my camera with me at the time and 
got 
> a shot of it" see photo on page 1 "I of course have absolutely no 
> idea what could have caused such a thing, I've never seen anything 
> like it before in my life. It's a shame, a real shame, my entire 
> family was so looking forward to hearing what the professor had to 
> say about Harry. You'll have to excuse me now as I wipe a tear from 
> my eye." Mr. Weasley's brothers Fred and George were also in the 
> audience but were too overcome with emotion to speak to reporters. 
> Doctors say the tongue will return to normal size in a day or two 
but 
> have no explanation of why it grew so large. Professor Snape has 
> indicated he has no plans to continue lecturing in the immediate 
> future.



I think this was hilarious. Are we sure that the Daily Prophet 
becoming the Daily Profit was not intentional? Never mind, 
eggplant,some people will be terribly aggravated that you imply that 
Harry married Ginny and not Hermione.

Susan