Do Not Blame the Bo' Constrictor (filk)

[coriolan at worldnet.att.net]

No: HPFGUIDX 16122

Do Not Blame the Bo' Constrictor (from PS/SS, Chapter Two)

(To the tune of Blame It On the Bossa Nova)

Dedicated to Amy Z

(Author's Note: JKR does not assign a gender to the boa in Chapter 
Two, referring to the snake as "it"  For prosodic purposes, I am 
making the snake female.  The "Bossa Nova" dance originated in 
Brazil; the phrase is Portuguese for "New Wave.")

(The Scene: The Zoo in Little Whinging. The Dursleys are making a 
hasty exit, with HARRY lagging behind) 

HARRY
I was at the zoo when she caught my eye
She raised her head to mine with a wink so sly
It was then I asked her `bout her sign
And she said to see Brazil would be divine

Do not blame the bo' constrictor, on her glass folks pawed
It was mean to so restrict her, she should go abroad
When I told her she could tour the Rio De
Then the glass disappeared, she's on her way
Do not blame on the bo' constrictor, snakes should be free

(ZOO OFFICIALS) & SPECTATORS
(Now was it the crowd?)
No, no, the bo' constrictor!
(Or the glassy cage?)
No, no, the bo' constrictor!
(Did it get too loud?)
We saw that kid evict her!
(She seemed enraged!)

VERNON
We were at the zoo for my son's birthday
When suddenly to our great dismay
The reptile house erupted in combat
Because my nephew with a bo' did chat

VERNON & PETUNIA
Blame it on our nephew Potter, it is always him 
This whole thing bears the imprimatur of his patronym

DUDLEY
That serpent nearly swallowed me head first

HARRY
If she had, the poor thing would have surely burst

VERNON, PETUNIA & DUDLEY
Blame it on our nephew/cousin Potter, who sets snakes free 

(VERNON) & HARRY
(Now in cupboard locked)
Set free the bo' constrictor
(Outside access blocked)
Let be the bo' constrictor
(No meals for weeks)
Get me, not the constrictor
(`Cause to snakes you speak!)

     -  CMC