The Deathday Bash (filk)

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 16873

The Deathday Bash (from CoS, Chapter 8)

(To the tune of The Monster Mash)

(The Scene: A roomy dungeon deep within Hogwarts' Castle. SIR 
NICHOLAS DE MIMSY-PORPINGTON'S 500th Deathday Party is just getting 
underway. Amidst a large assemblage of ghosts, poltergeists, and 
various phantasms, are HARRY, RON & HERMIONE, the only living party-
goers, who are here at the invitation of SIR NICHOLAS)

HP: We've an invitation this Halloween night
To attend a soiree with phantoms and frights,
Thanks to Sir Nicholas, who's already dead
A man who'd nearly lost his head 

TRIO: We did the bash
HP: We did the Deathday bash!
TRIO The Deathday bash
HG: The bar is so not cash
TRIO: Were we too rash? 
RW: It was a culture clash
TRIO: We did the bash
We did the Death Day bash!

NICK: On the semi-millennium of my demise
A Deathday party I'd hoped to devise
>From near and far a gathering of friends
All of whom had met with miserable ends

NICK: We did the dance!
TRIO We did the Deathday dance!
NICK: The Deathday dance
TRIO `Twas surely no romance
NICK: They looked askance
When they were served dead ants
TRIO We took a chance
To see his Deathday dance! 

NICK: See this group of spectral nuns
The party has just begun
The guests include the Fat Friar, 
And the Baron who's bloody glum

NICK, THE FRIAR, & THE BARON
The saws were rockin', all were digging the sounds
Like fingernails on chalkboards, or cats being drowned
The chill grew stronger, for when you're post-death
It's so amusing not to see your breath

TRIO: We did the freeze
RW: We did the Deathday freeze
TRIO: We did the freeze
HG: We flirted with disease
TRIO: `Twas three degrees
HP: We stood around to sneeze
TRIO: Some warm air please! 
We did the Deathday freeze

HG & NICK: Peeves in his bowtie, as the death of the party, 
Saw Myrtle from the girls' room, looking none too hearty 

HP & FRIAR: And she said to Peeves as he started to taunt her

MYRTLE
It's his party, and I'll cry if I want ter
.(exit weeping 
hysterically)

TRIO AND (GHOST TRIO)
She did her whine!
(She did her Deathday whine!)
Her Deathday whine
(She is so borderline)
She did her whine!
(She ought to redesign)
Her Deathday whine
(To something more refined)

FRIAR & BARON
There was nary a howl, there was scarcely a screech 
When Sir Nick ascended to commence his speech
But then Sir Patrick and a dozen more jockies
Thought the time was ripe for a game of Head Hockey

FF & BB: They played their game!
NICK: They played a mean head game!
FF & BB: Put Nick to shame!
NICK: My head's still on its frame
FF & BB: Due to bad aim!
NICK: For which I'm not to blame
FF & BB: We must proclaim
.
TRIO (interrupting, with big insincere smiles)
We are all glad we came! (exit rapidly)

   - CMC