Harry-James-Lily relationship, posthumous (was: Harry's lack of curiosity)

[Jennifer Piersol]

No: HPFGUIDX 17758

--- In HPforGrownups at y..., "Scott" <insanus_scottus at y...> wrote:
> Sue wrote:
> "*delurks once and for all*"
> 
> --It's nice to have you back!

I second this!

Sue:

>>Although it isn't pictorally represented by JKR, it has been 
assumed by most readers that Harry *has* thought of his parents, and 
probably a substantial amount over the years-- it would have been 
impossible not to.  But *what* did he think about?  He had no idea 
what they looked like before Hagrid explained the situation, IIRC; 
did he picture that?  Did he think about what it would have been like 
if they had been alive all this time?  Most likely.  Did he think 
about (in his moodier moments) their deaths?  Probably.<<

Scott replied:
 
> --I agree that Harry has to think about his parents often if not 
all the time, but no matter how much he thinks about them it still 
doesn't explain his complete lack of intrest from outside sources. Of 
course I'm not in Harry's situation so I don't know what he's 
feeling. I do know however that I THINK I would feel the opposite of 
Harry, wanting to know all I could in order to come to terms with 
such a terrible tragedy of the past. Then again I'm not Harry...
<snip><

My mom died when I was eight.  I know, I wasn't an infant when it 
happened, but I think I have an idea of what goes on in a young kid's 
head when they've lost a parent.  I completely missed out on learning 
about my mom.  I have no idea what she was like as a child.  I only 
have little bits and pieces about what she was like as an adult, 
because she got sick when I was about 5 years old, and I don't have 
too many memories of her - she was in the hospital too much.  But 
here's the thing - I'm 26 years old, and my knowledge of her hasn't 
grown too much.  Why?  Because I don't know what to ask.  I don't 
know who to ask.  I'm afraid of hurting others, I'm afraid of hurting 
myself by asking for stories about her.  Her two sisters and brother 
are still alive and fairly local - I could always go to them.  But I 
don't.  My dad is still alive... but he can't tell me what she was 
like when she was at school.  Her schoolmates (for the most part) are 
still alive, and many of them still live in my hometown - I could ask 
them.  But I don't.  Maybe I just grew up with everyone saying, 
"Poor Jennifer, she's had to go through a lot," and then sort of 
holding me off at a distance - I never really got close to my mom's 
side of the family because she wasn't there to bring us together.  
Maybe I'm a little embarrassed - because I feel that I should have 
asked about her earlier, and they're going to wonder why I *still* 
have empty spots of knowledge.  I really don't know why I don't ask 
people what she was like.  But I wanted to explain that it isn't 
*that* unrealistic that Harry wouldn't ask what his parents were 
like.  I may be one of the minority, here, but I've acted just like 
Harry has.  And unless something happens to make Harry just burst out 
one day while he's with Sirius or Dumbledore or someone else he 
completely trusts, he'll probably never get the guts - it'll only get 
harder as he gets older.

Sue:
>> I wonder if perhaps Harry, when placed in certain situations 
(being bullied, etc.), thought about what would be different if his 
parents had been around, rather than the Dursleys... he might even 
have had an entire parallel universe roaming in his mind.<<

And Scott again:
 
> --I'm sure of it. I mean doesn't everyone do this in some form or 
another? I know I do...<

I still do.  Every once in a while, when I'm feeling introspective, I 
wonder how much of my life would have changed.  Would I have been one 
of those girls I always hated that talked about how they hated how 
unfair their mothers were (I always wanted to just stand there face 
to face with them and say "oh yeah?  Well how fair is it to NOT have 
one to bitch about??")?  Would my sister and I have been better 
friends?  Or better enemies?  Would I have gotten as close to my dad 
as I have?  What about me?  Would I be more outgoing?  I met my 
husband while I was at college - what if I'd chosen a different 
college?  I probably would have met someone utterly different, and my 
little girl wouldn't exist.  It's a terrible mix of "boy, that would 
have been great!" and "Holy-moly, I'm so glad that my life turned out 
this way..." which, of course, makes me feel guilty that I'm happy 
with my life as it is.  It's a hard thing to think about... but 
impossible to avoid.

Whew.  Sorry... I suppose this is swerving a bit off-topic, and I had 
considered posting it in OT-Chatter, but I thought about it, and as 
this post *may* provide some insight as to what Harry is going 
through, I thought it'd be more appropriate over here.

Jen (who bared a little of her personal life here, but hopes it's 
relevant to the discussion)