On Respect and Kindness

[caliburncy at yahoo.com]

No: HPFGUIDX 23430

This may be the most important thing I will ever post here, even 
though it doesn't have the words "Harry Potter" in it anywhere (except 
here, obviously).

Ebony's post and all its subsequent responses represent to me a call 
of our attention to a tragedy occuring in our midst.  Although I do 
not know Ebony at all, I admire her courage in bringing up this issue 
when she might just as well felt stifled enough to remain mute.  I 
admire the courage of those who have voiced agreement with her 
sentiments.  It takes courage to admit to people that they are making 
you feel badly.

Let me say first off that I can be a bit of a nitpicker.  In a bizarre 
way, finding minute details or even flaws in things that I love only 
increases my love of that thing.  Not everyone, of course, is like 
this.  My sister is not at all a nitpicker.  She appreciates things 
solely in the grand design and does not like to look at them under a 
microscope.  But she understands overall themes at least as well as I 
do; she can argue her points; she is capable of great insight and 
clarity of thought (although she herself might not say so).  In short, 
she brings every bit as much to discussions of this sort as I do.

It would be a shame for people in this group to feel like they can't 
contribute.

What really is the issue here?  Is it that we nitpick?  No, I think 
that is an inherent part of this sort of focused discussion group not 
to mention some people's personalities.  Nitpicking in and of itself 
is not hurtful.  Neither Ebony nor any of her responders seems to have 
voiced the notion that we should stop nitpicking.  The bigger issue is 
that we all need to think about what sort of impact the things we say 
will have on people.  It is always the small things that get 
overlooked here, but they add up.  Constant corrections start to seem 
like heaps of criticism.  Having statements refuted minutes after you 
open your mouth make you never want to share again.

Some people are more sensitive to this than others.  We first must 
respect that sensitivity and not dismiss it as 'their problem'.  They 
are not 'touchy' or 'overly-sensitive'.  If someone misunderstands 
what you say, then it is you who miscommunicates yourself.  They 
cannot change what they hear.  We must change what we say.

Call me an idealist, but I do not believe anyone here has the 
intention of hurting others feelings.  But text is a tricky thing, 
even more tricky than communication is in general.  We need to watch 
that what we say is not misconstrued.  That our jokes are clearly such 
and probably generally avoid jokes that are 

If, in my brief tenure here, I have made anyone feel like they were 
stupid or their opinion didn't matter or I otherwise damaged their 
feelings then I am profoundly sorry.  Please understand that was never 
my intention, nor will it ever be in my future posts.

Other people are more important than our pride.  A lot of us (myself 
included) do not like to admit that we have pride, but we do and we 
are quite protective of it.  We also sometimes do things to further 
our pride that we think are harmless, but they're really not.  I 
believe this is often why we feel compelled to point out mistakes.  We 
should be candid, but that need not make us tactless.



Outside of other people and more in terms of appreciating the books, I 
think we must also be careful not to lose sight of this principle:

The purpose of analysis is not to destroy beauty, but to enhance it by 
identifying its sources.

That's a paraphrase of a quote my Freshman English teacher had on the 
wall.  I don't remember the exact words or the attributed speaker.

As long as we generally adhere to this, I think we'll be okay in this 
regard.


I apologize for getting on my soapbox here and I realize I may have 
even exaggerated the problem.  I don't know since I haven't been here 
that long, and in fact my personal experience here in that time has 
been largely positive.  But consider the possible exaggeration a 
counter to people's natural tendencies to underestimate the impact the 
things they do have on each other.  The terrifying truth is that we 
are more powerful than we dream to be.

-Luke