Just Call Me Voldemort (a G & S filk)

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 25022

Just Call Me Voldemort 

(To the tune of When I Go Out of Door, from Gilbert and Sullivan's 
Patience)

Dedicated to Lisa I. (a great G & S fan)

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Lord Voldemort has reviewed his Evil Overlord 
performance evals (recently posted on HP4GU), and below outlines some 
of the changes he is planning to make for the 1995-96 fiscal year. 
But pending the release of Volume Five, he has little choice for now 
but to endure the jibes of his principal antagonist with "Patience."

Enter LORD VOLDEMORT. Enter, from the opposite direction, HARRY POTTER

VOLDEMORT 
Just call me Voldemort
In my anti-Harry war
I've made use of tactics
At moments climatic
That I in hindsight deplore

With Potter's life at stake
I delayed my giant snake
And young Thomas Riddle
Did naught else but piddle
Which proved a costly mistake

HARRY
A most contrite Dark Lord
A not-too-bright Dark Lord
An "unloose-his-bonding and give-back-his-wanding
Then fall-on-my-sword" Dark Lord

VOLDEMORT 
If I've gained the upper hand
Don't tempt me to grandstand
I've given up fooling
With ritual dueling
Long speeches are henceforth banned

Expository prose 
Is one of my "no-nos"
For Overlord status 
I'll not gain for gratis
If my mouth can't stay closed

A quite reformed Dark Lord
A well-informed Dark Lord
A completely-believable-chillingly-evil-ble
Overdrive Overlord

HARRY
A total dork Dark Lord
A he'll-get-Borked Dark Lord
A brash-filibustering-need-of-Ghostbustering
Overboard Overlord

VOLDEMORT
A most intense Dark Lord
A common sense Dark Lord
A hail-good-fellow-and-Machiavellian
Hit-every-chord Dark Lord

HARRY
A dim and dumb Dark Lord
An immensely dense Dark Lord
A stand-there-and-gloat-at-you-while-missing-the-boat-on-cue
Overdone Overlord

VOLDEMORT
A Richard Three Dark Lord
An Iago-y Dark Lord
A Shakespearean-tragical-cutting-edge-magical
Demagogue-y Dark Lord

VOLDEMORT (simultaneous with below)
Conceive me, if you can, 
As much more than just a man
An eschatological-herpetological
Post-Nietzsche Superman

HARRY (simultaneous with above)
Conceive him, if you can
As a Sauron also-ran
A pulp-fiction-villainy-hexing-and-killing-spree
Fodder for Azkaban

   - CMC

HARRY POTTER FILKS 
http://home.att.net/~coriolan/hpfilks.htm