Black, Snape, Lupin, and the "joke"

[Hillman, Lee]

No: HPFGUIDX 25186

This is my last post for the day. Really. No really.
 
Okay, there's been a lot of discussion recently about Sirius and the "joke."
 
Here's my take:
 
I don't know exactly what triggered Sirius to act that way (and I don't
think it was a woman, Lily or otherwise), but he was obviously very cheesed
with Snape over something. Perhaps it was simply a moment of weakness, or a
cumulative frustration at Snape's constant badgering, but for whatever
reason, I think Sirius snapped.
 
Without thinking about it, he gave Severus the information he sought. "You
wanna know? Fine. I'll tell you. Press the knot...."
 
I believe that the moment Snape left him, he realized what he'd done, and
regretted it. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if he went and told James out
of shame and fear. He knew, at that point, that he couldn't stop
Snape--Snape would not have believed him. ("Wait, Snape! Don't. It's a trap.
I was hasty. I shouldn't have told you." Yeah, right. That would have
stopped him.) James's horror rivaled _Sirius's own_ at what he'd just done,
and the implications for both Snape and Lupin (though I believe Sirius
continued not to care about Snape, it was Lupin's fate that worried him).
 
It was a stupid, foolish, unthinking, childish thing to do. I believe that
as soon as it happened, Sirius slapped his forehead and thought, "Holy crow.
What am I, an idiot? A murderer?" and ran to James to help make it right.
 
I think it's one of the biggest regrets of his life, and one of the hardest
things he had to come to terms with--realizing that he is the kind of person
who would put two people's lives at risk so callously. It made him grow up
quick. And to think that he _could_ betray a friend like that is what made
it so much easier for him to lose his mind when James and Lily died. I think
it's another motivation behind his initial offer of Secret Keeper--to prove
to himself he can keep the confidence of his friends. Then he screws it up
again by giving it to Peter.
 
I believe that next to losing James and Lily, this memory was the one that
replayed itself in his mind most constantly in Azkaban. And I think it's
something that still bothers him, that he's conscious of in making decisions
to help Harry. He has a lot to make up for, and it's not just for trusting
Peter. I think he is terrified that he will betray again. It's what makes
him such an upstanding guy when he gets out--he's committed to making sure
justice is done, even if that justice initially is a little insane and
skewed.
 
As for why he and Lupin have not been in more contact, ah. Well, thereby
hangs a tale, which is of course only magnified if you subscribe to the "one
true way" of Sirius and Remus. He's scared to reopen that old tie. He
received an off-hand apology/forgiveness from Remus in the shack, but that
was when there was still a job to do. In some respects, there's still a job
to do, but he can't be certain, after all this time, that Remus really wants
to be reminded of everything Sirius was. That _includes_ his actions when
they were teens. This is something in his past he is deeply ashamed to have
done--how can he be certain that Remus really forgives him after all?
Especially since the whole wizarding world--including Remus--thought him the
worst traitor of all for 12 years? Remus could easily have justified: Well,
after all, he _did_ try to make me his smoking gun with Snape all those
years ago. I believe he's capable of working for Voldemort.
 
If Remus has thought those thoughts for 12 years, he might not be so eager
to rekindle the friendship, no matter what he _said_ in the shack.
 
It gets even stickier if you believe that at any point they were lovers.
"Has Remus moved on? Does Remus want to start over? Do I? What the heck am I
anymore?"
 
Remember that Sirius has been in prison in a depressive, sensory-deprived
environment for a long time. He's had no choices, no freedom. He needs to
readjust to initiating his own decisions. It's easier to focus on Harry and
correspond only with him and Dumbledore, fighting what is right in front of
him, rather than trying to investigate age-old friendships that don't even
necessarily feel real anymore. 
 
In short, and to return to my original point, I think both Sirius and Snape
are essentially good guys. I don't think that Sirius's joke was justified,
but neither do I think it makes him forever evil and irredeemable. He hasn't
had a chance to be responsible yet since he's been out of Azkaban, and until
we see how he handles the tasks Dumbledore is sure to put before him, I
won't jump to conclusions about whether he's a mature adult or not.
Certainly, if Snape can be considered mature, Sirius can. They both need to
learn to suck it up and deal better, but at least Sirius has the excuse of
being driven insane by Dementors. 
 
Snape, too, though, is righteous and has honour. He can be cruel ("I see no
difference") and he can be provoking (all the crap he pulls on Harry about
James), but when push comes to shove, he will do the right thing. He's a
bitter, isolated, self-important man, but he is clearly on the side of good.
 
Okay. Tear me apart, I'm ready!
 
Gwen