Draco is E.Vil (long stream of consciousness rant)

[shall at sfiweb.demon.co.uk]

No: HPFGUIDX 25251

The most interesting thing about Draco, to my mind, is his fascinating double (or multiple) lives.  When trapped between the pages of canon he is a horrid little brat with a cowardly disposition,  racist views and appalling taste in friends (I agree, incidentally, with whoever said that he is a badly socialised child, but you have to feel sorry for him - am I the only one to have noticed that Crabbe and Goyle haven't uttered a syllable in the entire canon? the poor kid must be desperate just for a decent conversation, for goodness sake. It's obvious they can talk because Draco didn't get surprised when the Polyjuiced Ron and Harry did, but as far as intellectual stimulation goes the lad would be better off breeding racing flobberworms.  In fact the strongest argument for the gathering at the end of GoF being of all Voldie's supporters rather than of any inner circle is the presence of Crabbe and Goyle(presumably, Crabbe Snr and Goyle Snr respectively) in it.  I know Voldie told them, presumably more in hope than expectation, "try to do better this time around" but I still think that unless my other theory is correct and  the Crabbes and the Goyles are enormously wealthy, and bankrolling the entire revolution, any gathering that includes them is scraping the bottom of the barrel.["When I become an evil overlord I shall introduce psychometric testing and a structured interview process for potential henchpeople"].)

Still with me?

Once the covers of the books are closed, however, and Draco escapes into fanon the uber-Draco emerges - a  tortured, sensitive soul, simply crying out  to be redeemed by the love of a good woman. Or man. Or, possibly, Kneazle.  So tortured and sensitive is he, however, that any redemption is not going to last beyond the chapter's end (in the less restrained fanfic, Draco may need to be redeemed several times in the same paragraph) leaving it to be done All Over Again ["Here is an administrative announcement.  For the last time, will all the mary sues out there *please* take a number and GET IN LINE."].

There are, of course, compensations: the rich complexity of the uber-Draco's sex life (frustratingly, nay, often tragically interrupted as it may be), the flawless dress sense, the nifty knack for one liners, the chance to hang out on a regular basis with characters who have a sporting chance of getting the jokes (I mean, if he'd tried the one about the grating and the very heavy hat on C&G in SS/PS they'd probably still be trying to work it out by the time OoP came out in paperback)...

How do you reconcile the two?  My own belief is that the canon Draco is frantically out there, somewhere in that ether in which literary characters float when the books are shut, putting messages into bottles and setting them afloat  into the readership's collective stream of consciousness, in the hope that one day one of them will wash up on the beach where JKR is sitting (probably sipping a mai tai with a green umbrella in it if there's any justice in this world) and she might sit up and take notice.

And what do the messages say?  Well, that's anybody's guess.  Personally, I incline to one of two possibilities.

The first is 
"You bloody woman.  I've been around for four books now, and the highlight of my career so far was being turned into a ferret.  For god's sake, wake up and give me something interesting to do.  Evil, if necessary.  Messy, provided you give me enough notice to wear my second best robes in advance.  But at least something better than sneering, flushing, and laughing in an unpleasant way."

the second is

"Start writing something which will  get these women off me now!.  Oh, and if *you* ever dare to mention leather trousers you're dragon fodder,Rowling."

Susan