[HPforGrownups] Re: Harry's upbringing

[Heidi Tandy]

No: HPFGUIDX 30572

 nancyaw2001 said
> Harry is an amazing kid. There's one bit in PofA, when 
> > Harry tells Lupin that he hears V. murdering his mother, that makes
> > me just want to grab him, hold him tight, and let him know that 
> > someone cares about him, and that he's deserving of love.
> > 

I'm going into the WayBack machine for my response to this - all the way
to
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HPforGrownups/message/828 (message 828.
Gack!)

Way way back in September, 2000, this list had its first of many varied
and insightful discussions about abuse - and I chirped up with some
comments (linked to above) about resiliant children - the concept of a
resiliant child is one who has multiple and severe risks in their lives
but can nonetheless develop into "confident, competent, and caring"
teens and adults.  Resiliant children have certain
characteristics/outside support factors (see the bottom of this post)
which have been studied by experts like Marty Seligman, who wrote a
treatise on this in the early 1990's

The presence of at least one caring person--someone who conveys an
attitude of compassion, who understands that no matter how awful a
child's behavior, the child is doing the best he or she can given his or
her experience--provides support for healthy development and learning.
This person can be a parent who was in a child's life at one point, but
later was
separated from the child. Even a permannent separation at a young age
(between twelve and 18 months) can provide this "caring person" support
factor, because the toddler has memories of the parent and the loving
environment, which stay in the child's subconscious, and even in the
conscious mind, longer than a lay adult would suspect. Studies show that
three and four year olds can remember being a year old, and the things
they did or played with, or the people they knew.  Even if a six or
seven year old cannot concretely remember actions and playmates from
when they were five years younger, those memories have become part of
their subconscious. 

It's easy and reasonable to assume that for his first 15 months, Harry
had a terrificly stable upbringing, great, loving parents (ok, maybe
James spent time away from home on anti-voldemort things...) and a lot
of love at home.

Then, tragically, things go wrong.

We next see him almost ten years later, sleeping in a cuboard, but able
to "visit" the rest of the house.

And he's not horrible. Why?

Is it the whole Cinderella thing, where she's just so inherently good
that the horribleness of her situation doesn't reduce her unfailing
goodness?

Possibly - I mean, this part of the story is the closest to traditional
fairy tales (but then again, in the traditional Perrault and Grimm
cinderella stories, she had her father until he was somewhere between 5
and 9) - but there might be another explanation. 

My pet theory is that even if he doesn't remember it, Harry's magical
abilities allowed him to "improve" things in the cuboard until his
memories of his parents & his prior "life" started to fade away.

Babies remember things - you spend enough time with a 13 or 15 month
old,
and you see that even if they haven't done something or played with a
toy or
seen a book for 2, 3, even 4 months, they'll remember it when they see
it.
They're generally walking and talking, and unless Hagrid gave him a
little
sleeping draught, Harry was a pretty good sleeper at 15 months.  And if
they
have the personality for it, babies play on their own better than they
play
with others. And if you're a wizard baby, and you're spending every
night in
a crib in a dark room, you'll amuse yourself by making the nightlight
flash
on & off, by sending your blanket flying around the room, by climbing
out
ofthe crib (yes, at that age, they do!) and going into the box of old
toys
of Dudley's and playing with them. 

Even if 10 year old harry has no memories of his parents, 3, and maybe
even
4 year old Harry did - and that probably helped a lot with keeping him
on a
more even keel than he would've been if his parents had been killed when
he
was, say, 3 months old.

This discussion, btw, was what made me initially start thinking about
Draco's homelife (which turned into my fanfic, Surfeit of Curses,
available at Schnoogle.com under my name) where Draco's resiliance is,
well, not so good, in part because, unlike Harry, Draco (in my universe)
has never had unconditionally loving, attached parents whereas Harry
did. 

And now.......
The Factors:

Social competence includes qualities such as responsiveness, especially
the
ability to elicit positive responses from others; flexibility, including
the
ability to move between different cultures; empathy; communication
skills;
and a sense of humor. 
Problem-solving skills encompass the ability to plan; to be resourceful
in
seeking help from others; and to think critically, creatively, and
reflectively. 
In the development of a critical consciousness, a reflective awareness
of
the structures of oppression (be it from an alcoholic parent, an
insensitive
school, or a racist society) and creating strategies for overcoming them
has
been key. 
Autonomy is having a sense of one's own identity and an ability to act
independently and to exert some control over one's environment,
including a
sense of task mastery, internal locus of control, and self-efficacy. 
The development of resistance (refusing to accept negative messages
about
oneself) and of detachment (distancing oneself from dysfunction) serves
as a
powerful protector of autonomy. Lastly, resilience is manifested in
having a
sense of purpose and a belief in a bright future, including goal
direction,
educational aspirations, achievement motivation, persistence,
hopefulness,
optimism, and spiritual connectedness. 


Just some food for thought, to add to the insightful comments already
mentioned this week. I do hope Peg comments as well - she's had some
excellent insights in the past, which have been shown in her Virtues
essays as well. 

heidi tandy
follow me to FictionAlley - Harry Potter fanfics of all shapes, sizes&
ships - only 7 sickles an ounce
http://www.fictionalley.org



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