FILK: I'll Never Tell

[Heidi Tandy]

No: HPFGUIDX 30698

I'll Never Tell (to the tune of I'll Never Tell from BUFFY: Once More
With Feeling)
Original lyrics are at http://buffy.randomwhim.com/omwflyrics.html (and
you might be able to find a link to the audio version from there) and
were written by Joss Whedon
Parodied by Heidi and Cassandra Claire, December 3, 2001
Dedicated to Ebony

***************************************************************

RON (Speaking)
Well, I can do an omelet, I've almost got that... 

HERMIONE
This is the man that I've known since our first schoolday
Isn't he fine?
My claims to fame were in class and library
Top marks mine! 
But I've got all my N.E.W.T.s
And I admit, he's sort of cute
The only trouble is - - 
I'll never tell. 

RON
She is the one
With smarts and such fun
No time will she waste
Excellent teeth and her hair in a band's - -
Embrace! Tight embrace! 
I'll never let her go
The love we've known can only grow
There's just one thing that - -
No. I'll never tell. 

HERMIONE AND RON
Cause there's nothing to tell. 

RON
She's bossy, she's swotty 

HERMIONE
His face is really spotty

RON
She's hanging out with Malfoy, who I so despise

HERMIONE
I'm gone - he doesn't miss me

RON
She'd rather read than kiss me 

HERMIONE
He doesn't listen when I say I don't care about size

HERMIONE AND RON
The vibe gets kind of scary 

RON
Like, she thinks I'm ordinary 

HERMIONE
Like, it's all just temporary 

RON
Like, her toes are kind of hairy 

HERMIONE AND RON
But it's all very well
Cause, God knows, I'll never tell! 

HERMIONE
When things get scary
He just hides behind his Harry
Now look he's getting wary
'Cause he knows that I know.

RON
To clever by half,
Never makes me laugh 
She nev - - 

HERMIONE
He acts like such an ass 

RON
This is my verse, hello?
She - - 

HERMIONE (Spoken)
Hey, look at me! I'm making confetti! 

HERMIONE AND RON
You know 

RON
You're really helpful

HERMIONE
And Pig's delightful

RON
You're the cutest in our class
With your eyes as clear as glass
And your firm, yet supple - - 
Tight embrace! 

HERMIONE
He's swell 

RON
She's sweller 

HERMIONE
He'll always be my feller 

RON
That's why I'll never tell her that I petrified 

HERMIONE
I've read this tale
There's wedding, then betrayal
And I know someday I'll want to run to Harry's side

HERMIONE AND RON
I've lied
I've said it's easy
I've tried

HERMIONE
I even tried a love spell 

RON
Is she really looking right past me?

HERMIONE
Why is Harry all that I can see?

RON
Will our lives become too stressful if I'm never that successful? 

HERMIONE
Will I always feel uneasy with those One Big Happy Weasleys?

RON
Is she crazy? 
I'm a cheater! 

HERMIONE
Will I marry a Death Eater?
 
HERMIONE AND RON
We can really raise the beam in making marriage a hell! 
So, thank God, I'll never tell!
I swear, that I'll never tell 

RON
My lips are sealed 

HERMIONE
No Veritass-

RON
Nothing to see
Move it along 

HERMIONE AND RON
I'll never
Tell! 



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