[HPforGrownups] Azkaban (filk)

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 12064

Azkaban

Dedicated to the Amazin' Amy Z

(To the tune of Kokomo)

The Following Informercial has been paid for by the Ministry of Magic

(Enter BARTY CROUCH, SR and CHORUS OF MINISTRY WITCHES)

CROUCH
If you're convicted of crime
Or cast a spell unforgive-a-bell
Our Aurors may deliver you to us for a spell

Come to our isle
It's so exotic and remote
You'll be mingling on a cellblock with Dark Wizards of note
Here in Azkaban

CHORUS 
If you helped the Dark Lord we'd love to get you on board
If you served You-Know-Who we want to get to know you
If you are someone blamed with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named..........

CROUCH & CHORUS
....Oooh then you're the Man, we'll be recruiting you to join that clan
Serving a lengthy span of time in Azkaban

CHORUS 
And by decree
We'll throw away the key

CROUCH
We've put a lot of pizzaz in our magic Alcatraz 
All enveloped in gloom, it simply radiates doom
We have taken your wand, so please relax and just despond
Shrivel up just a tad, and find a place to go quietly mad 
Here in Azkaban

CHORUS
Come meet our Dementors all highly trained tormentors
As you see them gliding glad thoughts they're overriding 
Their force is so brutal they make resistance futile

CROUCH & CHORUS
We now have a plan, and we hope that you will understand 
How it all hits the fan right here in Azkaban 

CHORUS
When arriving, just smile, we gave you a fair trial
We don't want you trash back, so have yourself a flashback
Revisit the highlights of your most hideous frights

CROUCH & CHORUS
...Oooh then as you can see, we're possessed of such security 
So that one's whole family could safe in Azkaban be! 

     - CMC