We Think Wizards Are Odd (filk)

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 8765

We Think Wizards Are Odd (from HP-SS, Ch. 4)

(to the tune of The Wonderful Wizard of Oz)

(Scene: A tiny miserable shack on an otherwise barren island.  A 
fierce storm is raging.  HAGRID has just entered the shack, in which  
VERNON AND PETUNIA DURSLEY are hiding, along with their son Dudley, 
and their nephew HARRY POTTER)

HAGRID (spoken, to Harry) But yer must know about yer mom and dad. I 
mean, they're famous. You're famous.

VERNON: (spoken) Stop! Stop right there, sir! I forbid you to tell 
the boy anything!

VERNON & PETUNIA (music)
He cannot be a wizard
Because we think wizards are odd
On Privet Drive
We intend to deprive
Him of all magic for which he might strive 
Oh never oh never a Wiz he'll be
Over our dead body it must be 
Agree, for we, you see, with glee decree
That Harry Potter can never be free!
He cannot be a wizard
Because we think wizards are odd!

HAGRID (to HARRY)
You're going to be a wizard
Because being a Muggle is odd
You'll find it quite grand 
Once you understand 
That you carry the DNA strand
>From two of the greatest who ever were
To James and Lily, your folks, I refer
(addressing VERNON)
I'd prefer, dear sir, if you'd concur to defer
Harry to me or your boy's a porker!

(HAGRID swishes his umbrella in the air,  resulting in a flash of 
violet light. Dudley is discovered to have grown a pig's tail.
Exit,in confusion, the Dursley family)

HAGRID & HARRY
I'm/He's off to be a Wizard
Because being a Muggle is odd!

(exit, down the Yellow Brick Road to Diagon Alley)

	- CMC