Barely Alive (filk)

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 8774

BARELY ALIVE (from HP/SS, Chap. 17)

(to the tune of Stayin' Alive)

(HARRY POTTER, having made it through the maze, opens the door to 
final chamber, and discovers PROF. QUIRRELL inside) 

HARRY (spoken) You!

QUIRRELL: (spoken) Me. I wondered whether I'd be meeting you here, 
Potter.

HARRY: (spoken) But I thought
.

QUIRRELL (music) 
Well, I can tell by the way your mouth's agape
You know the villain's me, it isn't Snape
We've been tryin' to find the Philosopher's Stone, 
But its wherebouts are now unknown
But's that's all right.  I suspect
If I can get you to reflect  
We'll obtain with minimal strife 
The secret of eternal life

When I met Voldy in Albania, he was in intensive pain-ya
He was barely alive barely alive
My ideas of good and evil he taught me were medieval
He was startin' to thrive, startin' to thrive
Ah, ha, ha, ha, barely alive, barely alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha, startin' to thrive.

Well now, if there's a problem I can't face
My master puts me in my place
I call on him for all advice
After he performed this certain splice 
Now, watch my turban as I unwrap
You-Know-Who is here on tap
Emblazoned behind my head's 
The foremost member of the Undead

(QUIRRELL completes unwrapping his turban, and turns around, 
revealing the face of VOLDEMORT on the back of his head.  Both 
QUIRRELL and HARRY scream)

VOLDEMORT
Shadow and vapor until I shared him
See what I've become, oh yeah
Now, this Stone caper has really scared him
To me you will succumb, oh yeah!

HARRY	 (to himself)
Now, I think that I must play for time
To hinder Voldemort's attempt at crime
Somehow though the science is not of rocket
That stone is now deep inside my pocket

VOLDEMORT
That it's on your person, I now perceive
Hand it over, I shall receive 

HARRY:
That's a threat I must spurn
`Cause when you touch me you must burn!

(QUIRRELL/VOLDEMORT grab Harry, and scream, because physical contact 
with HARRY deeply burns them.  Harry grabs them as tightly as he can)

QUIRRELL & VOLDEMORT (panicked)
We're goin' nowhere.  Somebody kill him!
Somebody kill him, yeah.

(QUIRRELL tries to perform a curse on HARRY. ALBUS DUMBLEDORE bursts 
through the doors, and quells the threat – QUIRRELL/VOLDEMORT are 
rendered inert)

DUMBLEDORE
You're goin' nowhere.  Harry, I'll help you, yeah.  

HARRY  (groggy)
I'm stayin' alive...........

(passes out)

 -CMC