With Cat-Like Fur (filk)

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 10230


With Cat-Like Fur (from CoS, Ch. 12)

(To the tune of With Cat-Like Tread, from The Pirates of Penzance)

(THE SCENE: Moaning Myrtle's bathroom. A large cauldron sits in front 
of the toilet stalls. Enter  HARRY, RON & HERMIONE, all carrying 
ingredients for Polyjuice Potion, in furtherance of their mission to 
penetrate the Slytherin commom room incognito that they may 
interrogate Draco Malfoy about the Secret Chamber)

ALL (very loud, with bold gestures) 
With firm resolve 
The Polyjuice we'll brew
It really stinks
And from boogers take its hue

Here's our intent:
We'll make just like Clark Kent 
If in disguise
Slytherin won't get wise!

They'll be filled with deep regrets
When we learn their Chamber Secrets

We shall new shapes assume!
Transmogrification
`Twas Calvin `n' Hobbes' elation
We'll take the form of goons
To leave Slytherin's scheme in ruins

(repeat)

HERMIONE (mixing various ingredients into the cauldron)
Here's your knotgrass, then we add the fluxweed
Stir the lacewing flies - now a leech we will need
Powdered horn of bicorn, a boomslang's shred skin 

(The cauldron smokes convulsively, and finally settles. HERMIONE 
ladles the Polyjuice  into three different cups)

Finally, in each cup - just a pinch of Slytherin. 

(All three drops in a hair from the selected Slytherin resident. Each 
glass foams and changes into an even more sickening-looking color. 
Exchanging a single glance and a nod, the three retreat into 
individual stalls. Several moments of silence. Then, the first door 
open, revealing HARRY as Goyle.  RON emerges from the second door as 
Crabbe. Then after an extremely long pause, HERMIONE emerges, but not 
as Bullstrode........)

HERMIONE
With cat-like fur 
>From the bathroom stall I steal

HARRY & RON (as Crabbe and Goyle) 
Believe us, you look 
As bad as you must feel

HERMIONE
I'm so confused
The hair I must have used 
Came from some cat

HARRY & RON
Can't Pomfrey fix that? 

ALL
See how despite our toil
Just why "Moste Potent Potions"
Oft leads to great commotions 

HARRY and RON
So let's see if Draco Malfoy'll
Spill the beans to "Crabbe" and "Goyle."

(Exit HARRY and RON, as  HERMIONE retreats back into her stall. 
Myrtle's laughter echoes in the background)

   - CMC