Daily Prophet article

[joym999 at aol.com]

No: HPFGUIDX 23064

***************** THE DAILY PROPHET ********************

********What the Wizarding World Was Wondering***********

July 27, 2001                       Weather: Warm, Wet


VOLDEMORT ONLY 7th SCARIEST, ACCORDING TO POLL

by Joywitch M. Curmudgeon


According to yesterday's edition of the *Daily Express*, a muggle 
tabloid, a recent poll has determined that Voldemort is only the 
seventh scariest evil being among British schoolchildren aged 5 
through 12.  According to the poll, Cyclops, dragons, Dracula, 
Frankenstein's monster, family members and dinosaurs are all more 
fearsome than the Dark Lord.  

David Frankis, president of Frankis & Stein Public Auditors, the firm 
which conducted the poll, said at a press conference today that 
"Voldemort is doing well, but he still has some way to go before 
beating your favourite aunt."  Frankis added that, "Although You-Know-
Who has made a fairly good showing, considering he was only 
introduced to the monster-fearing public approximately five years 
ago, this poll show that he can not hold a candle to perennially-
feared demons like Dracula, or the larger creatures such as dinosaurs 
and dragons."

Frankis was asked by reporters about the surprisingly strong rating 
achieved by Cyclops, the one-eyed monster.  Frankis referred this 
question to Hogwarts Professor Alastor Moody, who said, "It just goes 
to show what poor judgement most muggles have, to be scared of a 
creature with only one eye when You-Know-Who could pop up amongst us 
at any moment.  Only by maintaining constant vigilance can we...Hey!  
I see you there behind me making faces.  Stop that!"

Also speaking at the press conference was Albus Dumbledore, 
Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.  "I think 
this goes to show that our efforts to form a united front against 
evil have largely been successful.  Voldemort's efforts to terrify 
wizards and muggles alike has not been as productive as he would 
like.  It is only a matter of time until we conquer not only this 
seventh-rate Evil Overlord, but also the fear in our hearts and minds 
that allows evil to flourish," stated Dumbledore to the crowd of 
Ministry of Magic dignitaries attending the press conference.

Dumbledore's pronouncement was not universally applauded, however.  A 
small, rat-like man  wearing a black overcoat and large hat pulled 
down over his face, sidled over to this reporter after the press 
conference and stated, "What is there to be gained by fighting the 
most powerful wizard who ever lived?  My mast...I mean the Dark Lord 
will reward his faithful servants. In fact, the starting salary for 
Evil Henchperson is up to 2 galleons an hour – a lot more than the 
Ministry of Magic pays.  Just go to Knockturn Alley and ask around – 
tell them Wormtail sent you."  The man then disapparated into the 
crowd.

There was some negative response from one respected member of the 
wizarding community, as well.  "Obviously, the opinions of a bunch of 
mud...muggle children are meaningless.  Any wizard with half a brain 
knows to respect and fear the Dark Lord, sneered Lucious Malfoy, 
president of the Slytherin Society, who also attended the press 
conference.  "These Frankis & Stein pollsters are obviously biased, 
favoring the so-called `traditional' evil beings when there is a New 
World Order coming soon.  These little muggles will not so scared of 
their belt-wielding, alcoholic fathers or electrified monsters with 
bolts in their heads when they get a whiff of You-Know-Who," added 
Malfoy, rubbing his hands with glee.

Reporters went to the office of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named in the hopes 
of obtaining some comment from the Dark Lord, however they were met 
at the locked entrance by Voldemort's spokescreature, a snake who 
called itself Nagini.  "The Dark Lord issssss not available for 
comment right now," hissed Nagini, "He is very bussssssy.  Go away!" 

Owls sent to Mr. Voldemort's office were not returned.