Memo

[joym999 at aol.com]

No: HPFGUIDX 20089

TO: Mr. Anal P. Lardbottm
Deputy Misrepresentation Office
League Of Obsessive Nitpickers

FROM: Ms. Joywitch M. Curmudgeon
Editor-in-Chief
The Daily Prophet

RE: Previous Correspondence (see attached)

Dear Mr. Lardbottom,

I have received your letter informing me of my lapsed membership in 
L.O.O.N.  I can only say that in the excitement of my promotion from 
U.S. correspondent to editor-in-chief of the Daily Prophet, I must 
have forgotten to pay my dues.  I assure you that the check is in the 
owl's beak and you will be receiving it shortly.

I would also like to remind Mr. Lardbottom that as a founding member 
and past president of L.O.O.N., and can make the entire organization 
disapparate into nothingness at any time I choose, and your measly 
little galleon an hour job in the Misrepresentation Office along with 
it.

On a completely unrelated note, I thought you would be interested to 
know that the Daily Prophet is investigating an international sweets-
smuggling ring which, it is suspected, is being run out of your 
office.  Our esteemed reporter, Rita Skeeter, will be dropping by to 
ask you some questions about it.  We strongly suggest you answer them.

Ms. Skeeter is also investigating rumors about a possible violation 
of the Muggle Protection Act by one John Walton, a member of your 
staff.  Something about a disappearing muggle named Joe and a 
bouncing ferret.

Sincerely,

Joywitch M. Curmudgeon

--------------------------------
Attachment 1:

TO: Ms. Joywitch M. Curmudgeon
Editor-in-Chief
The Daily Prophet

FROM: Anal P. Lardbottom
Deputy Misrepresentation Office
League Of Obsessive Nitpickers

RE: L.O.O.N. Membership

Dear Ms. Curmudgeon,

We here at L.O.O.N. recently noticed your message entitled "Nitpicker 
Alert". We also note that your membership of L.O.O.N. expired as of 
5/1/01,and that you are therefore no longer entitled to use your 
status as an Official L.O.O.N. in message posting.

Should you continue to misuse the L.O.O.N. mark, we will be forced to 
send large hairy thugs around to your house to pull off your toenails.

Have a Nice Day.

Luv 'n' kisses,

A.P. Lardbottom

Attachment 2:
----------------------------------
--- "Monika Huebner" wrote:
> > From: Amy Z 
> > 2. If you could buy one treat at Honeydukes, what would it be?
> 
> Hm, difficult question. I can tell you what I would *not* buy, 
though:

> Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans. Too afraid of the earwax taste. 

> Maybe I would go for the Sherbet Lemons that Dumbledore seems 
> to favor. I just love the taste of lemons.

As a card-carrying member of L.O.O.N. (League Of Obsessive 
Nitpickers), I feel obligated to inform you that you would NOT be 
able to buy Sherbet Lemons at Honeydukes, since Sherbet Lemons are a 
muggle sweet, as Dumbledore explains in the first chapter of PS/SS.  

Confusing, because the American editions call them lemon drops in SS, 
but call them sherbet lemons in GoF, whereas the English editions 
always call them sherbet lemons.

And, having tasted lots of yummy British sweets thanks to John W. and 
Neil, I will attest that sherbet lemons and lemon drops are really 
not the same thing.

Is this confusing or what?

--Joywitch