[HPforGrownups] Re: SHIPPING of Love and War

[Ebony Elizabeth Thomas]

No: HPFGUIDX 20959

You know, I wasn't going to jump in... but since my summer vacation 
officially began today, and I'm taking my brand new first-ever laptop (!) on 
a test drive 'round the Internet... what the hey?


Amy Z asked:

>So the question is,
>if bickering ruins romances (and it can), does it ruin friendships
>too (of course it can, but is it inevitable)?  Those of you who think
>R/H will never fly as a long-term romance, do you predict a cooling in
>their friendship too?

Vicky answered:

"I think they'll stay friends, but don't believe they'd work out as a 
couple.  I don't believe constant war is a good thing. It's one thing to 
disagree civilly, but they seem to fuel each other's fires. The reason I 
think they would work out as friends, but not as a couple, is that once two 
people become an item, the expectations of each other tend to heighten, and 
emotions run higher.  <snip!> R/H already
fight a lot. It'd make things worse if they became a couple. Poor Harry
would be stuck mediating."

Not if Ginny has anything to say about it.  </sarcasm>

I agree with most of what Vicky said... but then again, we're riding on the 
same ship.

I see R/H being good for a while, but I really don't think they'd spar a la 
Hepburn and Tracy forever.  After a while, I see one or both of them losing 
interest.

You see, after nearly a year of contemplation of the matter, I do think that 
it's not the bickering that bothers me most about R/H.  It's their 
personalities.

Ron at this point in canon has many merits as a character, but you must 
admit that he is needy.  Perhaps he'll grow out of this.  My RL experiences 
with this personality type indicate to me otherwise... we all carry ghosts 
of childhood along with us, however deep they're buried.

I think that Hermione has shown some nurturing tendencies, but after a 
while, I really do believe she'd feel drained... and Ron would feel 
dissatisfied with the amount of effort she was putting into their 
relationship.  There are girls whose every waking thought is centered on 
their significant other.  After the first flush of infatuation with Ron 
(although I'm as lost as Jim Ferer is on this point--if *someone* could show 
me conclusive evidence of Hermione---->Ron in canon and characterization, 
I'd consider jumping ship), he'd have to share her with her other interests.

All the Rons I've ever known in real life are nice enough people, but they 
like not only to be their significant other's first priority, but the vast 
majority of it.  I've never seen it work, which is why it doesn't ring true 
to me whenever I read it... and why what I saw in GoF bothered me so much.

R/H may be inevitable in canon.  No non-R/H shipper disputes that.  But the 
only way I can see R/H lasting for any significant amount of time is if 
fundamental aspects of their personalities change.  But then, Ron wouldn't 
be Ron, and Hermione wouldn't be Hermione... which is why the "we dated... 
it didn't work out" scenario Cassie presents in her Draco Dormiens/Draco 
Sinister fanfic series is so plausible that even R/Hers don't complain about 
it.

Now, for friendship.

I agree with C. S. Lewis (*must* do the Four Loves essay-post this summer... 
:::makes mental note to self:::)  Friendship is based on common ground... 
shared interests.  (QUESTION:  What is the basis of Ron and Hermione's 
friendship?  No, not how it began... we know about the troll.  No, not just 
because they are and that's all there is to it.  ;-)  I'm really trying to 
understand other PoVs here.)  As long as Ron and Hermione have things in 
common, they'll remain friends.

I do think that an unsuccessful romantic relationship involving any of the 
Three could tarnish their friendship, depending on the length and 
seriousness of it.  This is the thing I like *least* about being a 
shipper... when all is said and done, I'd much rather have the friendship 
and everyone looking for outside companionship... but then I can't be a 
no-shipper, because if Harry, Ron, and Hermione all find other people, their 
friendship will still suffer... you can't share all your secrets with your 
two best friends all the time, and expect your sig other to understand why 
you're keeping all this stuff from them.

What's that quote from Stephen King?  "The best friends I ever had, I had at 
twelve years old?"  After the latency period ends, everything gets 
complicated... which is perhaps why JKR has put off letting the characters 
hit puberty for so long.

It's enough to make any decent Harry Potter fan feel like Peter Pan.

--Ebony



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Ebony AKA AngieJ
ebonyink at hotmail.com

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