A Wrong Way to Grapple (filk)

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 21714

A Wrong Way to Grapple (GoF, Chap. 18)

(To the tune of It's a Long Way to Tipperary)

Dedicated to Steve Vander Ark

THE SCENE: The Great Hall. HARRY laments how the Triwizards 
Tournament has turned his life upside-down

HARRY
Since this Triwizards mess began, I've had no peace at all 
I'm greeted with immense distrust as I walk down the halls
My best friend will not speak to me, and views me with disdain
And everywhere that I now go, I hear the same refrain

CHORUS OF SLYTHERIN, HUFFLEPUFF & RAVENCLAW STUDENTS
It's a wrong way to grapple, Harry
It's a wrong way, we think
That's why we all now buttons carry
Which proclaim that "Potter Stinks" 
Goodbye to your reputation!  Farewell to Ron's friendship!
It's a wrong wrong way to grapple, Harry
You ought to get a grip 

HARRY
I got yanked out of Potions class for the Weighing of the Wands
That Rita Skeeter questioned me, and was I ever conned! 
The quotes that she did fabricate made me sound like Gilderoy
And every moment of my shame was cherished by Malfoy

CHORUS 
It's a wrong way to grapple, Harry
It's a wrong way, you know
They call this the TriWizards Tourney
But you think it's Quattro-Pro
Harry chose to challenge Cedric, who's our one true Hogwarts Champ
Is this ego trip so necessary
That his style you must cramp?

(Enter HERMIONE & PROF. MOODY) 

HERMIONE
Harry is not deceiving you, I know this for a fact
I saw his face when his name was called, and Harry cannot act
Professor Moody has declared that some Dark Plot is certain
That somewhere 'twixt Tasks One and Three, Harry might well 
get "curtains"

MOODY
It's a wrong thing to gripe at Potter
It's a wrong thing, I cry
Someone wants to get Harry slaughtered
Someone wants to watch him die 
Only the most potent magic could've entered his name, I judge
It's wrong thing then to gripe at Harry
(to himself) Hint hint wink wink nudge nudge

   - CMC