Non-Serious Black Summary

[Carole Estes]

No: HPFGUIDX 13204

Since Carole is worn out from a lack of sleep, she has allowed me to provide
a brief character summary of Sirius Black.   She believes that my summary
may deviate slightly form the normal character summaries, so she promises to
provide a more suitable one in a few days.  And so we begin...

Call me Anamagi.  I am a cool lookin' biker dude with long black hair and a
washboard stomach, and whenever life would get me down, I would leave my job
and head for one special place.  When my spirits needed restoring, I could
always count on a trip to the forest.  Just think of all those trees!!!
Anyway, I have this habit of turning into a salivating, scruffy-looking,
black furry wild animal... every Friday and Saturday night!  I also change
into a dog on occasions.

  Back in School, I hung out with Wormtail, Moony, and Prongs.  We were all
able to transform into different animals, so that we could spy on chicks
while they were taking showers... I mean so that we could keep Lupin company
on those nights with a full moon.  He tended to turn into a Werewolf and so
he needed other animals around to keep him form tearing other people to
shreds or dressing up in sheep's clothing and hanging out with the nancyboys
on the weekends.

James Potter was my best friend in school, and he was nicknamed Prongs
because he was always watching stag films in the school dorms...I mean..
because he turned into a buck ( which of course by today's standards is only
worth about 35 cents).  Wormtail was a fellow named Peter Pettrigrew who
turned out to be a real rat in the end because he turned James and Lily
Potter in to the Dark Lord Himself ( Squidward ) sometimes referred to "He
who must not be Blamed".   You know the fellow that Clinton just pardoned
after receiving a few small donations to the keep Bill off the streets fund
and a weekend with his spouse.

Anyway, I took the rap for Wormtail when the Wizard Police found James and
Lily dead.  So I had to spend a few years in Azkaban (located somewhere near
Serbia, I think).  The place is guarded by all these goonbaits in oversized
robes (to hide their severe skin rashes, you know the heartbreak of
scoriosis and such).  These guards are called Doctor Dimentos and they
listen to silly songs from the Spike Jones era every Sunday night.  I
escaped one Sunday night when they were listening to a Weird Al Yankovic
marathon on the radio.  I had to get that scoundrel Wormtail who was hanging
out with Harry Potter's best friend Ron.  He kept himself in his rat form
all the time ( probably waiting for a pardon from Bill Clinton or
something). But I tracked him down and I would have eaten him with a some
fava beans if Harry hadn't stopped me.

Harry's my Godson, and my favorite person in the world.  I wanted him to
come live with me so we could watch stag films together like his father... I
mean so we could become reacquainted and make up for all that time I spent
in prison.  I am unable to have Harry stay with me unfortunately because I
am on the run from the law thanks to that no-good slimy Professor Snape and
that Crazy werewolf Lupin who turned into a furball at the wrong moment.  I
knew we shouldn't have taken that path by the girls' showers..but anyway...
I escaped from certain death (being kissed by a pimply-faced Dr. Dimento
who's never had a date) and flew off on the back of a Hypocrite ( i.e..
someone who drives to a "Save the Earth Rally" in an oversized Sport Utility
Vehicle).

Nowadays I give Harry advice during our famous "fireside chats" and help him
win valuable prizes at the Tri-Sexual Tournaments..( I mean Tri-Wizard's
Tournaments).  I like to hang out in coffee shops and hit on unsuspecting
undersexed American female lawyers.   I show them my stunning pecs and abs,
then I slip 'em my magic wand.  The rest is just magic!!!  Let's face it,
I'm a babe magnet.  Aloof and dangerous, yet vulnerable somehow.  I give
them my best James Dean look and serve them a cup of my special brand of
java.  If you ever happen to see a black dog staring at you for a long time,
it's probably me.  I usually hang out near the girls' showers.  They just
can't resist a cute dog!!!

Well I hope I hit on all the right points.  I am a bit rusty these days.

Later
Randy