[HPforGrownups] It's Trelawney (filk)

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 13215

It's Trelawney

(To the tune of It's De-Lovely)

Dedicated to Angela Boyko

(AUTHOR'S NOTE:  The mysterious workings of the Inner Eye can no longer be
denied. After writing the first six lines of this filk two evenings ago, I
logged on HP4GU only to find the sublime "Ballad of Professor Trelawney," by
Angela Boyko - which again serves to demonstrate that the I.E. directs her
favorites in similar directions...)

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http://www.broadwaymidi.com/shows/anything_goes.html

(THE SCENE: Gryffindor Common Room. Pro- and anti-Trelawney factions have
their say about Hogwarts' notorious Divination Professor)

(Enter LAVENDER BROWN AND PARVATI PATIL)

LB: The stairs are long and the ladder steep
But the metaphysics are awfully deep
BOTH: It's transcendent, it's tremendous, it's Trelawney

PP: She teaches how us to read tea leaves
To learn what the future has up its sleeves
BOTH: It's transcendent, it's tremendous, it's Trelawney

LB: When we enter her room, we are elated by her brand of perfume
And the rhythms of the grand celestial dance
Put us in a trance!

PP: When you gaze into her crystal ball the inner eye will reveal all
BOTH: It's transcendent, it's tremendous,
It's transfixing, it's translucent,
It's a treasure, it's tranquil'ty
It's terrific, it's Trelawney!

(Exit LAVENDER & PARVATI. Enter HARRY & RON, in a flippant mood)

RW: If into the future we would see
We must learn better to hold our tea
BOTH: It's trumpery, it's trifling, it's Trelawney

HP (laughing): That class never fails to entertain us
Now please, Ron, no jokes about Uranus
BOTH: It's trivial, it's a trinket, it's Trelawney

RW (pretending to gaze into a crystal ball):
As the future unfogs, I see a midget pursued by a gigantic dog
He was born 'neath the baleful planet of Saturn
Hence this pattern..

HP: In Divination to earn an "A"
I predict my death three times each day
BOTH: She's pretentious, she's prepost'rous,
She's too precious, she's a problem,
She's provincial, she's a prune
She's the Predictions Professor!

(Exit all, except HARRY, who alone ponders the matter more seriously)

With all her bangles and beads so odd
She seems no more than a blatant fraud
Is it trickery? Is it transient? Is it Trelawney?

She conjures portents from the vasty deep
In a room so warm that I fall asleep
Is it trendy? Is it triteness? Is it Trelawney?

Yet I still recall a day when a weird voice through her had its say
Which informed us that Peter, that Wormtail git
Would hightail it
And though she often seems absurd
It all came true, her every word
Of his treachery, of his travesty,
Of his treason as it triggered
His transgressions towards the triumph
Of our Travail, 'told Trelawney!

(Exit HARRY)

     - CMC