Not The Order Of The Phoenix
eggplant107 at hotmail.com
eggplant107 at hotmail.com
Sat Mar 10 16:03:52 UTC 2001
No: HPFGUIDX 14043
This is how I would write the first chapter of a certain book you may
have heard of. It doesn't prove anything of course except perhaps
that Rowling is not out of a job, but some of you may enjoy parts of
it.
NOT THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX
CHAPTER 1
THE WARRIOR
As Hagrid said, what would come, would come
and he would have to
meet it when it did. Yes, it was foolish to worry about it now, very
good advice no doubt about it, Harry just wished he knew how to
follow it. As he sat on the enormous back seat of the car on his way
to Privet Drive he noticed that Uncle Vernon had been talking to him,
probably for some time and doubtless cataloging Harry's many faults,
but he hadn't been paying attention. After all he'd been through
paying attention to any of the noises Uncle Vernon made with his
mouth seemed too insignificant to bother with, there was no point
wasting valuable brain cells on that, he had far more important
things to think about. The truth was he no longer cared very much
what any of the Dursleys said or did. Although his mind seemed
clearer than it ever had before this brought him no joy, he was weary
of relieving all the pain and ugliness and death he'd seen in stark
relief. But he knew he should make an effort to think about something
else at least for a while, just to see if he was still capable of it.
For the first time he became fully aware of his surroundings.
"Hey, nice car" Harry said.
"That school of yours must have made you simple" Uncle Vernon said
with fury "Haven't you been listening? I just told you it's a brand
new custom supercharged Bentley with a Rootes type positive
displacement blower to produce 513 horsepower and no turbo lag. They
only make ten of these beauties a year and it's just about the most
expensive car in the world. It cost more than the likes of you will
make in a lifetime I can tell you that, so sit still and don't kick
anything. And none of that,.. that funny stuff of yours!" "Pretty
fancy for a company car, a Bentley" Harry said. "It's my own personal
car" said Uncle Vernon proudly "and if you must know I've retired
from the company".
Harry thought for a moment as he looked at the mahogany dashboard
with teak inlay and the ostrich skin seat covers, then things
suddenly became clear.
"Congratulations" Harry said "You must have a terrific pension plan
to retire so young, and with such style. Most wizards don't know much
about pensions or muggle money, for example if a muggle were to say
how much it cost to raise a child, a wizard would probably believe
him, even if the figure was 10 times or 20 times too high."
"Is.. is that so" said Uncle Vernon.
"Yes" said Harry, "of course not all wizards are like that, I have a
friend in The Department of Muggle Frauds and Swindles who's very
good at audits"
"Audits?" said Uncle Vernon trying, unsuccessfully, to sound casual
"They know about those sort of things do they".
"Oh sure" said Harry cheerfully "whenever they get a report of
something suspicious they go to work, they love to send people to
Azkaban, that's the wizard prison. Interesting place that, it's
guarded by dementors, you know I see weird magical stuff every day
but those things still give me the creeps, but you may be made of
sterner stuff. I've heard stories that would make your hair curl, My
godfather could tell you more, he's the only person to have ever
escaped from there, if I asked him I'm sure he'd be willing to give
you some pointers. Who knows, you might find them useful someday."
"What are deme.." But Uncle Vernon stopped, he wasn't sure he was
really ready to hear the answer to that. He tried again "What are you
insinuating?"
Harry smiled pleasantly and said "Just making conversation"
"Right" said Uncle Vernon trying to sound confident "Well there will
be a lot less conversation and a lot more rules and a lot more work
this year. I have a list of the chores you will perform every day,
scrub the kitchen, wash the windows, weed the garden, cut the grass,
wash the car, mop the "
"No, I won't be doing any of those things" Harry said quietly but
firmly, he wasn't trying to be defiant, he was simply stating a
fact "It's important for me to do a lot of studying this summer and I
can't be distracted with trivialities."
"Trivialities! You'll do what I tell you to do or I'll kick you and
that stupid owl of yours out of my house!" Vernon bellowed.
"Oh I doubt you'll do that" Harry said calmly.
"And why is that?"
"Because you don't want to get off the gravy train. Give it up
Vernon, I found out the truth, I know the Ministry Of Magic has been
paying you to take care of me since I was one year old, grossly
overpaying in fact. Nice little scam."
"I, I don't know what you're talking about"
"Well" said Harry "If you really don't know what I'm talking about
then prove it, stop the car and I'll get out right here. Perhaps
you're tired of getting the ministry's money but I'm sure there are
others willing to take up the burden. By the way, have you made all
the payments on the Bentley yet? What's the maintenance and insurance
costs on this monster?"
Vernon turned purple and looked like he was about to explode, but he
did not stop the car "They promised me! They said you would never
find out! I demand to know who told you!"
"Why you told me Vernon, just now, I thank you for confirming my
suspicions." Said Harry with a smile "And now I'd like to talk about
some rules of my own."
=====
Harry sat down and picked up a quill, his diminutive model of the
horntail was marching along the edge of the desk, occasionally a tiny
spark came from her mouth. This letter was going to be tricky, he
didn't want to panic her nor did he want her to think he was trying
to run her life, but he had to tell her of his concerns because he
didn't think he could retain his sanity if anything happened to
Hermione. Best to start with some chitchat.
Dear Hermione
I hope you're well, I'm fine, in some ways better than fine, for the
first time in my life I feel like I'm fully awake. Yes I know that
sounds dumb. Anyway this first week back has been going really great
for me. On the car trip from the station I pulled a sort of bluff on
Uncle Vernon and it worked better than I dreamed, they try hard to
stay out of my way now and I don't think they've spoken a dozen words
to me since. That's just the way I like it, a good Dursley is one you
can't see or hear. I'll never beat Ron at chess but I think I could
hold my own at poker.
Harry stopped for a minute to considered what he had written. He had
told the truth, just not the entire truth. No point in telling
Hermione about the nightmares he thought, she can't do anything about
them. He didn't know that his feint was only part of the reason the
Dursley's avoided him, Harry didn't realize that he unnerved them
with the profoundly powerful stare he had newly developed, a stare
that almost seemed to give off sparks. Life lived at Harry's
intensity was alien and freighting to many. He picked up his quill
and continued.
Would you believe I've already finished my homework? I've decided to
really concentrate on studying because I have a hunch I'll run into
Voldemort again someday and I need to be much better prepared. It's
relaxing too, when you're focused on trying to master a difficult
spell you sort of forget your troubles. I've found a nice stealth
spell to prevent the ministry from detecting the unauthorized use of
magic, I can only make it big enough to cover my bedroom but that's
big enough for me to practice without interference. I've learned to
apparate, at least I can do it from one side of the room to the
other, they say distance only makes it slightly harder, I hope that's
true. These new fifth year book are a bit disappointing don't you
think, most of the stuff seems pretty obvious. Dumbledore said I
should read a few seventh year books this summer and they are a lot
better but still not quite what I'd hoped for. By the way I know a
really nifty invigorate charm that's like drinking 10 cups of black
coffee and it really cuts down on the time wasted sleeping.
The horntail had wandered onto his parchment and was getting in the
way of his quill, he gently pushed her back to the edge of the desk.
Yea it was a good charm but Harry wished he could find one that
eliminated sleep entirely, 3 hours a night is long enough for
horrible memories to resurface. Ok, stop stalling it's time to get to
business. He wished he didn't have to write the next part but he knew
he had to, he thought again of that incredibly gruesome book he'd
seem in the forbidden section of the school library, the one that
showed the agonizing deaths of people Voldemort particularly didn't
like. Harry shuttered. He doubted the Dark Lord hated any of those
people as much as he hated him, especially now that he'd embarrassed
Tom Riddle Junior by escaping from right under his nose and looking
like a fool in front of his Death Eaters. Junior probably has
something very creative in mind for me Harry thought, and physical
pain would not be enough for that sadist, he'd want to scar me
emotionally too. The method was obvious. He picked up the quill again.
I hope you're still not planing to visit Victor Krum in Romania
because I think that could be very dangerous. Now that Voldemort is
back I worry that he may try to punish me by hurting my friends. I
think Krum is a good man but I don't like the idea of you being in a
foreign country that I know little about except that it's full of
graduates from Durmstrang taught by Karkaroff. I worry about Ron too
but at least he's in a house full of friendly witches and wizards,
I'd be really happy if there was one more witch there, you. You're
the smartest person I ever met so I know you won't do anything stupid
whatever you decide, but promise me one thing anyway, be careful,
because if you were to go and get yourself killed it would ruin my
entire day.
Harry
====
Cho looked beautiful in her formal robes as Harry danced with her at
the Yule Ball.
"You dance wonderfully" she said as she stared at him adoringly.
"Thanks" said Harry grinning from ear to ear "I was a little nervous
at first yet I think I'm starting to get the hang of it, but you
dance much better than I do".
"I love to dance" Cho said "that's why I'm so glad you murdered
Cedric, he couldn't dance at all".
"WHAT!" Harry screamed in horror "NO! I DIDN'T! I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS
A PORT KEY!"
Cho started to laugh, a high cold mirthless laugh, and it was
Voldemort standing before him not Cho and those weren't other dancers
surrounding him, they were Death Eaters. Harry pulled out his wand
pointed it at Voldemort and yelled "Avada Kedavra" but it was Cedric
who received the curse, and died before he hit the floor, a look of
surprise on his lifeless face. Harry dropped his wand and fell to his
knees crying "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry". The Death Eaters
bowed to Harry and chanted "All hail to Harry Potter, all hail the
new Dark Lord"
NOOOOOOOOO!
Harry sat up in bed drenched in cold sweat his heart beating like a
jackhammer. "I am not a dark wizard" Harry cried into the empty
room "Cedric I .." but he could not say more. When he finally got his
voice back he just muttered "stupid dream" and got up. This was the
worse one yet he thought as he splashed cold water on his face from
the basin, he wondered if he'd have them until the day he died, and
he wondered how soon that day would come. He put on his glasses and
looked at his watch, it was 2:45 am. Harry glanced at the face in the
mirror and was appalled, he was starting to look like Sirius did when
he was in Azkaban. This is foolish Harry thought, I've got to take
better care of myself, when was the last time I ate? Let's see, I did
have breakfast, but that must have been yesterday morning, or maybe
it was the day before. He touched his cheek and felt stubble, I guess
I'm going have to start shaving too. He still wasn't hungry but he
had just decided to go down to the kitchen and eat something anyway
when a owl carrying a package and a letter flew into his room. She
seemed quite proud of herself for delivering such a heavy bundle by
herself. "Hedwig!" Harry yelled with delight "It's good to see you
girl". He thought she might show up tonight so he had some bacon
ready for her that she quickly devoured. He opened the letter and saw
it was from Hermione.
Dear Harry
You have to be careful with those invigorating charms, they're not
good for you if used too often. I hope you're getting plenty of sleep
as you could use some rest after all you've been through last year.
Don't worry I won't ruin your entire day because I'm at the Burrow, I
decided to accept Ron's invitation instead of Victor's. I hope you
can join us as soon as Dumbledore says it's ok. In the meantime don't
work too hard and try to have a little fun, you deserve it.
A wave of relief swept over Harry, Hermione was safe, and the idea of
visiting his two best friends at the Burrow was wonderful as he was
starting to feel quite lonely. Imagine Hermione telling him not to
work too hard. Harry smiled. Ginny would be there too Harry realized
and his grin increased. He read on.
The package is your birthday present, I know it's a bit early but as
soon as I found out it existed I knew you had to have it immediately.
Intrigued Harry opened the package and saw that it was a large red
book, on the cover it said "Advanced Charms And Transfiguration
Theory With Examples" in smaller print under that it said "with a
introduction by Albus Dumbledore" then Harry looked at the authors
and his jaw dropped "Lilly and James Potter". With trembling hands he
opened the book as if it were more fragile than glass and more
valuable than gold, he looked at the dedication page, all it said
was "To Our Son Harry". It took a moment for his eyes to clear enough
to read the rest of Hermione's letter.
Professor McGonagall says the book was published less than a month
before your mom and dad died, she said it's the best book on
transfiguration she ever read and Professor Flitwick says the same
thing about charms. Harry your parents must have been very very
powerful wizards to write a book like that. I tried to read parts of
it but it's way beyond me, maybe in a few years. Hope to see you soon.
Love from Hermione
Harry was still standing and did not move for several minutes while a
thousand thoughts ran through his mind each demanding his full
attention. When he got control of himself again he read Dumbledore's
introduction.
Lilly and James Potter were two of the best students I ever had so I
always expected great things from them, but even so I was stunned by
the sheer brilliance of their first book which is I believe the most
important treatise on magic published this century. The depth of
their explanation of magical theory is unrivaled by any other work I
am aware of. Nor is their originality limited to pure theory, this
volume contains dozens of powerful spells the likes of which I have
never seen before. The chapter on Animagi is certain to become a
classic in the field but it is the astounding chapter on charms
without wands that opens up an entire new branch of sorcery that has
never been touched on before. This is not light reading, it can be
quite demanding even for a talented wizard but those who make the
effort will be well rewarded.
Albus Dumbledore
Hogwarts October 4 1981
Harry sat down at his desk and started to read chapter 1, all
thoughts of food forgotten.
=====
Harry had thought he understood how transfiguration worked but he
didn't, not until now. But he wondered why mom and dad said
transfiguration was one branch of magic that really did always
require a wand. Sure a wand contains a core of some magical creature
he thought, but I'm a magical creature myself. Ok, maybe it is
impossible but I'm going to try anyway. I'll see if I can turn a
match into a needle, that's the first thing they teach you in
transfiguration class but I'll try it without a wand. At first
nothing happened so Harry tried again, this time the match went
silver. He tried a third time and found he was holding a perfectly
ordinary needle. Well, Harry thought with a smile, if there's a
second edition of mom and dad's book it's going to need some
revisions.
OUCH! A minute gray owl was pecking at his shoulder, he recognized
Pigwidgeon at once and knew the letter he carried had to have come
from Ron.
Harry- Hermione is fine and here at the Burrow. Every day mom asks
Dumbledore if you can come too but he keeps saying not yet, but I
think he'll say yes before the summer is over.
You're not going to believe this but Fred and George brought me to
the best tailor in Diagon Alley and bought me the most expensive
dress robe in the shop. I'm not kidding! I have no idea where they
got the money I thought they were broke, all they'll say is that
they're tired of having a kid brother who looks so shabby at fancy
parties. I do know one thing, that stupid git Malfoy won't be
laughing at my robes this year.
It's all over the wizard world but you're sort of cut off from news
so you may not have heard that the day after we left school Fudge
issued something called an emergency executive decree and fired
Dumbledore as headmaster and put Lucius Malfoy in his place, but
don't worry, it's only on parchment. Dumbledore is still at Hogwarts
because the teachers are more important than Fudge and they say he's
still headmaster, every one of the them still supports him. An hour
after Fudge gave that stupid order dad resigned from the ministry and
he was just the first, by now about half the ministry employees have
quit in disgust. So far they haven't tried to use force to remove
Dumbledore but if they do dad reckons that means civil war. He really
hopes it doesn't come to that because we should be united now that
you know who is back, but there is just no way Lucius Malfoy will
ever be headmaster of Hogwarts. Mom is mad at Percy because he didn't
quit, he says he's for Dumbledore too and just wants to work for
change from within the system but I think he's waiting to see which
way the wind is blowing so he can jump on the winning side.
Don't let the Dursleys get you down. RON
Harry went to his trunk and dug out The Marauder's Map, yes Ron was
right, there was a little dot in his office that said Albus
Dumbledore, a very reassuring little dot. It was easy to scan the
rest of the map because there were no students at school this time of
the year and he was pleased that Lucius Malfoy was not on the
Hogwarts grounds. The dot appeared to be pacing, Dumbledore often did
that when he was deep in thought. Harry wished the map could tell him
what that wise wizard was thinking.
======
Harry was in deep concentration when he turned the page of his
parent's book, the rest of the world did not exist for him at that
moment. Oh good another one of those spells without wands, I want to
learn as many of those as I can, I hate feeling helpless, I hated it
when I was tied to that tombstone and could do nothing because I
couldn't reach my wand, I never want to feel like that again, conjure
fire into your bare hands, pretty cool, the only wizard I've ever
seen do something like that is Professor Lupin on the first day I
ever met him, I'll bet he learned how from mom and dad, come to think
of it that invisibility without a cloak spell I learned last night is
like the one Dumbledore told me he knew how to do when I was in the
first year, I'll bet he learned how from mom and dad's book too, I'll
give my cloak to Ron and Hermione I don't need it anymore, time to
see what makes this fire spell tick, ok I understand that part,
right, right, that makes sense, wait a minute why do they say.. ok
now I see, and then you invert that then repeate this middle part
again put that there then just cancel that out and it all should
work, well lets give it a try.
Harry held up his index finger and a flame leapt from the tip.
Neat, the flame looks just as the book says it should, but actually
the fire is really no better than what you'd get from a cigarette
lighter, I wonder if I can do a little better, let me look at that
spell again, hmm this part seems too convoluted to me, I'll bet the
same thing could be accomplished more directly, yes that would be
better, now there's room to do it twice and double the heat, no I can
fit three of them in there, and there seems to be something working
at cross purposes, I mean when you really think about it 95% of the
heat you gain here you lose over there, that won't do, but if I just
repeated that part again then turn it inside out the negative would
change into a positive and everything would be pulling in the same
direction and the problem would go away, and no point in doing this
step here, it should be done at the very end because then you can
eliminate all that useless overhead. Harry tried again, a foot long
white hot torch roared from his fingertip powerful enough to cut
through the armor on a battleship. That's better Harry thought, then
he turned the page only to discover with disappointment that he'd
finished the book. Harry got up, stretched, and walked to the window,
there was a violent thunder storm underway, there were deep puddles
in the street so it must have been going on for a long time but he
didn't remember when it started. He'd once played a Quidditch match
in weather like this, it was the only time he ever lost, it seemed
like a very long time ago. He wondered if he'd ever play Quidditch
again, he vowed never return to Hogwarts if a Death Eater is
headmaster.
Well, Harry thought, I've successfully performed every spell in mom
and dad's book, except the one on Animagi, I might be able to do that
too but I don't dare try, I'd need more space, a lot more space, I
could try it when I go to Ron's house, the orchard might be big
enough and it's well hidden from muggles, I hope Charlie will be
there.
Harry became aware of a pain in his stomach and at first thought he
was sick but then realized he was hungry, ravenously hungry. As he
headed for the kitchen he passed the Dursleys in the living room, the
TV was turned up loud and they were watching a special report on the
severe weather. They looked at him and then as usual became
uncomfortable and quickly turned away pretending they hadn't seen
him. It was almost noon but was so dark he had to turn on the lights
in the kitchen to see what he was doing. He'd about eaten his fill of
cold leftover spaghetti while standing over the sink when a huge clap
of thunder shook the house. Apparently it didn't impress Dudley
because Harry could hear him whine "Weather is boring, I want to
watch the mega-mutilation festival, change the chan.." and then the
TV went silent and so did Dudley. Any second now he expected to hear
Dudley moaning that he was missing his favorite show, but he heard
nothing from his cousin, in fact he heard nothing at all.
Puzzled he walked into the living room and was astounded to discover
nobody there, the TV was still on but there was no sound or picture,
a large dish of ice cream was on the table next to where Dudley was
siting and steam was coming off the tea Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia
were drinking. Harry changed the channel on the TV while he mulled
over the situation but couldn't find a signal anywhere. Harry
couldn't imagine where the hell they went to so fast, they couldn't
be upstairs, they would have had to walk right next to him in the
kitchen, they must have made a sprint for the front door and dashed
outside, it's a little odd that he didn't hear the door open but
that's the only thing that makes sense, if you can call running
outside in the middle of a thunderstorm sensible. He opened the front
door and looked at the sky, he saw a featureless blue dome with not a
cloud in the sky. How could a storm stop that suddenly? He thought of
the eye of a hurricane but Briton doesn't get tropical storms, and
that wouldn't explain why the ground was dry. The sun was bright,
harsh, pitiless, and everything had the wrong hue, the colors were
vivid but unhealthy like those you see under a brilliant mercury
vapor street lamp. And then he heard something he had never heard
before, absolute silence. There was not a breath of wind no rustle of
leaves no sound of birds or insects or dogs or cars or people.
Nothing. Harry drummed his fingers on the door just to be sure he
hadn't gone deaf. Nobody is outside Harry thought and the unpleasant
glare of that strange sunlight was hurting his eyes so he closed the
door, but Harry was wrong somebody was outside. Just a few seconds
later as he walked toward the living room he heard a powerful
pounding on the door from the other side. His heart started to race,
don't be stupid he told himself, Voldemort wouldn't knock, would he?
Harry opened the door.
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