Stouffer Woman?: I need a Patronus!!!

[rainy_lilac at yahoo.com]

No: HPFGUIDX 14851

I don't know if this will work, but here goes:


*Waving my sequoia wand with its core of thunderbird feather and 
trying again and again until my hair is fairly crackling with 
electricity*

Expecto Patronus!!

*Watching as little silver whisps curl out from the tip of my wand, a 
surprised smile spreading across my face since nothing has seemed to 
work so far. The ugly hag shudders as her bald little "muggles" 
waddle away from underneath her skirts, diving into the dustbins, and 
hiding behind the stinking kitchen garbage. Trying the spell once 
again, taking care to get that flick and swish just right*

EXPECTO PATRONUS!!!

*More silver whisps curl from the tip of my wand and swirl and swirl 
until they suddenly take the shape of....

Sirius Black clad only in a tight wet bathing suit, skin bronzed from 
the sun, carrying two pina coladas through the warm waves toward a 
sun-splashed rock upon which sits a pretty dark-haired mermaid with 
mischief in her eyes! Oh he is silvery but he still looks dead sexy 
and nothing can undo that! The mermaid licks her lips hungrily, and 
the waves pour from my wand as I continue to flick and swish, 
surrounding him and surrounding the mermaid, until finally the last 
of the weird bald creatures have floated away. The hag rolls away, 
babbling incoherently, legal papers and press releases clutched in in 
her taloned hands. The ink runs! They are wet and she is wet, and we 
all know she is wet, and so.... suddenly.... 

She is nothing!*