RITA SKEETER--CHARACTER SKETCH

Mon May 7 04:35:13 UTC 2001

No: HPFGUIDX 18298

Hello Everyone!!!

Here, to start off the week, is the character sketch of your favorite
reporter...Rita Skeeter!! You know her, you either love her or hate her,
but what do we know of Rita Skeeter...really? How can we put "I am Rita
Skeeter, and this is me!" into words?

Well, in an effort to do so, I present you this! It was given to me by a
wonderful Witch who lives just down the way from me. Her name is Mertle,
and she sells wonderful cornbread. She sells a loaf for two knuts a
piece, and it's quite good with your morning coffee.

She subscribes to the Daily Prophet, and thought I would find this
interesting. I did, and so will you, I hope! Read on, and be amused....

                                     THE DAILY PROPHET

Muggle gives birth to Troll; p. A6   ~~~            Weather: Hot, and
slightly magical.

 Recently, the Daily Prophet held a contest. Win the chance to interview
our very own star reporter Rita Skeeter! Many
entered, but only one won the contest! Hogwarts student Hermione Granger
won after thousands entered! What follows is
their interview!

*
Hermione: Hello Rita.
Rita: Oh! Hennrietta is it?
H: Hermione.
R: Ah. Yes. How I remember you now.
H: How quickly you forget.
R: Hm. Shall we get on with the interview? That is why we’re here, is it
not?
H: Hm. Yes. All right, Rita, describe yourself.
R: Oh, this one’s easy! I’m a beautiful forty-year-old woman, with
natural blonde hair and a wonderful figure! I report the
news accurately, and enjoy informing people of events happening around
them.
H: Despite evidence that your actually around fifty, your hair is dyed,
you have a mouth full of gold teeth which implies poor
dental hygiene and your stories are so full of lies that you have been
banned from the grounds of Hogwarts?
R: I’ll take the fifth on that Miney.
H: What did you just call me?
R: Nothing, nothing, proceed with the next question!
H: Alright Rita, what would you say is your strongest positive character
trait?
R: Well, I am not afraid of hard work, even if it means stepping on
people on the way up.
H: Oookay, what is your weakest personality trait?
R: I believe that I’m too self-centred. I’m always focusing on myself,
and don’t care what happens to other people. It makes
me sad sometimes.
H: But didn’t you just say that you didn’t care what happened to those
people on your way up?
R: You see my point then. It’s very hard to be me.
H: One would assume so. Now, Rita, tell me about the validity of the
rumors concerning yourself.
R: What rumors Herman?
H: My name is Hermione.
R: That’s exactly what I said.
H: Yes, well. Right. There are rumors, Rita, that you lie about people
when reporting the news.
R: WHAT??? Who’s been saying that? Is it Bagman? I can tell you things
about him that would make your teeth crack! If
he’s behind this-
H: Rita? They’re rumors. What do you have to say about them?
R: Ah. Rumors. Yes. Well, there’s no truth in them. None; I report the
news as I see it. My way of seeing news is often
superior and the public has a right to read it; don’t you agree?
H: No. Next question. Do you believe in deceit to gain the truth?
R: I have no idea what you’re talking about.
H: Of course you don’t. I repeat: do you believe in deceit to gain
access to the “truth” in your stories?
R: Well
I wouldn’t exactly call it deceit. I’d call it more a stronger
view of the facts.
H: What about the one’s which you leave out?
R: Again, I have no idea what you are insinuating.
H: Let me give you an example: Reporting that Hagrid was half-giant, but
leaving out the fact that he was kind and gentle. Do
you remember that article, Rita?
R: It seems to have slipped my mind just now.
H: Perhaps you’d like to comment on something else then? How about
“reporting” that Harry was prone to “episodes” and
was “unstable”. I believe that’s how you put it? When in reality, you
had no idea what was happening.
R: I report what I see, that is all.
H: Ever consider taking a job as a novelist? You’d be good at it.
R: Actually, I have a book coming out next fall that-
H: Lovely. I’m sure it’ll be wonderful. Now, what have we covered. Lies,
deceit, truth stretching, my you ARE a busy
woman. There’s one more thing we haven’t covered.
R: My agent said this would be a happy interview

H: She lied. Now, what do you have to say about, oh, let’s say, breaking
the law?
R: I would NEVER break the law! I am above it in every way, and consider
anyone who DOES break the law below me.
H: You think everyone is below you. That’s part of the problem. Do you
like jars Rita?
**Editors note: at this point, it should be noted that Rita went very
pale. We suspect that she had a bug of some sort.**
R: What’s your next question?
H: Would you break the law to get a story?
R: I take the fifth.
H: Ah. Good then. It really has been LOVELY talking to you Rita. Shall
we do this again soon?
R: 

H: Speechless Rita? Never thought I’d see the day.

** Editors note: after the interview, Rita went on a well earned
sabbatical in the south of France. Rita will be “getting away
from all those children, can’t talk to the children, she’ll ruin me,
she’s out to get me, have to breathe”. It should also be noted
that Rita was mumbling about jars when she left. I encourage our readers
to send some jars for Rita. She seems to like them!

Our Hogwarts student, Hermione Granger, decided to use the above
interview as part of her “Magic in the Media” course.
This being said, she needs help from you, dear Readers! To complete her
assignment, Hermione needs some questions
answered! So get your pointed hats on, and send in those answers! Here
are the questions Readers! They can be sent to: The
Daily Prophet, c/o Rita Skeeter.**

Question:

1) What’s with Rita’s teeth? How do you suppose she lost them? (be
creative on this one folks)
2) Do you believe that Rita lies intentionally? Or is there something
else behind the words?
3) What do you believe are Rita’s strongest character traits?
4) What are her worst character traits?
5) Do you believe that there is actually a nice person underneath all
the deceit?
6) Why do you suppose sadness and anything tragic attracts Rita? We can
assume that it’s what sells the stories; but is there
something else behind that?
7) What drives Rita to report the stories she does? This can be related
to question six, but think about it.  Question six was:
Why does the tragic attract her? And Question seven is: Why does she
bother reporting it?
8) Do you think that Rita is lonely, or just vengeful?
9) What family upbringing would Rita have had? She seems to be very
crass and loud. Would she have been poor? (again, no
facts to back it up. So, put yourself in her place.)
10) If you would compare Rita Skeeter to an animal, any one you chose,
what would it be?  Why?(This ones a fun one. I
couldn’t think of a tenth question; so sue me. Oh, and the answer can be
anything but a beetle. Again, be creative.)

~~~~ That’s it folks! I’ve never done something like this before, so
please, be gentle! ( or not <g>) ::Jamieson runs and hides in a pile of
blankets, hoping to look like the boogyman::

Jamieson

--

"Westley and I are joined by the bonds of love,
and you cannot track it, not with a thousand
blood houds. And you cannot break it, not with a
thousand swords. And when I say you are a
coward, it is only because you are the slimiest
 weakling ever to crawl the earth!" - Buttercup
from 'The Princess Bride'

"There is a shortage of very perfect breasts in this world.
It would be a pity to damage yours." -
Wesley in The Princess Bride

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