Bert the Baby Dragon (filk)

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 19211

Bert the Baby Dragon (from PS/SS, Chap. 14)

(To the tune of Puff the Magic Dragon)

Dedicated to Eggplant

The Scene: Before Hagrid's cabin. Enter HARRY, RON  & HERMIONE)

HARRY, RON AND HERMIONE 
Bert the baby dragon hatched from an egg
That Hagrid won down at the pub while working on a keg
Hagrid held all dragons were cuddly and were good
And planned to raise his fiery friend in a cabin made of wood. Oh!

Bert the baby dragon was all tooth and claw
It's been decreed that raising them breaks every wizard law 
Bert the baby dragon got bigger each day  
And Draco Malfoy had a scheme that Hagrid he'd betray.

Together we helped feed him, he dined on blood and rats
Hagrid sang him lullabies as Bert waged armed combat
Hagrid loved his Ridgeback and grew so attached for he
Thought Norbert was the sweetest thing since Anne McCaffrey. Oh!

Belch the baby dragon, he burped him each night
His every smoky sneeze and snore gave Hagrid great delight
Belch the baby dragon, put him to bed
With his precious teddy bear so he can then tear off its head

A dragon lives in forests and not in little huts
Norbert had to leave Hogwarts though it made poor Hagrid nuts
One gray night it happened, we packed him in a crate
So to Romania Bert could go with Charlie Weasley's mates

Hagrid bent his head in sorrow, his eyes were full of tears
Which may have been because Norbert had bit him in his rear
We lugged him up the tower, but our efforts came to zilch
`Cause after waving Bert goodbye we ran smack-dab into Filch

FILCH (triumphantly)
Oh, puffed up and braggin', that's how I feel
These first-year brats are now to learn with me there's no appeal
Soon they will be draggin' in detention
Now how can anybody say that squibs never have fun?

(Exit all, to McGonagall's office)

	- CMC