Gertie and the Queerditch Game (filk)

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 29508

Gertie and the Queerditch Game (QTA, Chap. 3)

(To the tune of the M.T.A.)

Dedicated to Pippin

NOTE: Since Kenilworthy Whisp presents only the beginnings of 
Gertie's encounter with Queerditch, I've had to "fanfic" an ending. 

THE SCENE: Queerditch Marsh, 11th Century. Enter BALLADEER and GERTIE 
KEDDLE

BALLADEER
Well, let me sing ya of the story of a witch named Gertie 
Had a hut on Queerditch Marsh 
What she saw one scorching Tuesday really made her blow a fuse, they 
Say it turned her judgment quite harsh 

GERTIE (and BALLADEER)
They were playing on brooms, making bangings and booms 
They disturbed my peaceful bog (what a pity) 
These warlocks were all racing and some leather ball they're chasing 
So I hexed all of those hairy hogs 

BALLADEER
A few Tuesdays later, Gertie's out picking nettles, 
When to her shock and dismay
Quick behind a rock she's hiding as her mouth falls open widing:
Those idiots have resumed play

GERTIE (and BALLADEER)
They were playing on brooms, they're all nuts I assume
They were aimin' for the trees (oh, what rubbish)
It's a brand-new ball they're tracking and their game I find nerve-
wracking
Won't someone send them home, oh, please.

BALLADEER
Another windy Tuesday, Gertie meets with Gwenog
To enjoy a quiet tea
But her friend she's re-assessing when she hears Gwenog confessing
That this game she plays zealously

GWENOG (and BALLADEER)
When we're playing on brooms, it disperses the gloom
Of this Queerditch I'm a buff (dodge that Bludger!)
Now listen Gertie Keddle, you who dwell amidst the nettles,
I need to bring you up to snuff. 

BALLADEER (spoken)
With Gwenog so discerning, Gertie `bout the game was learning
She soon cheered her team each day
And that hairy Scottish warlock she soon joined in holy wedlock
(music) They both scored big on that play!

GWENOG and BALLADEER
They became bride and groom, joined together on brooms
By this sport they're both bewitched (hit that tree now!)
Such prowess they're displaying, the whole Wizard world's now playing
The game we call Queerditch!

   - CMC

HARRY POTTER FILKS 
http://home.att.net/~coriolan/hpfilks.htm