HP: Gender studies 101

[Tabouli]

No: HPFGUIDX 29670

Joshua (plumbing the female psyche!):
> Let's look at another scene and let me know what you think.  After 
Rita Skeeter's article on the alleged Harry/Hermione romance, 
Hermione does not deny the allegations, although she scoffs at Rita's 
writing nonetheless. <

Your analysis seems pretty sound to me!  Let me see.  I'd say that the safest option for a self-conscious teenage girl who did like either Harry *or* Ron and would be mortified if either (a) her crush on Harry was revealed (I mean, what if he rejected her and everyone laughed at her?) or (b) Harry and/or Ron might be misled into thinking it was true, would be to do just what Hermione did: dismiss the article loftily without any reference to its allegations.  Of course, in the real world, I suspect that few of her peers would leave it at that.  "So you're saying that there's nothing between you and Harry, nothing at all?  Oh come on, you always hang around together, haven't you ever thought about it?"  To which a girl like Hermione would probably be able to reply "That's none of your business" (fueling speculation further), but a less strong and wilful girl might allow to push her into some sort of comment one way or the other.

If the article were actually spot-on, a more desperate and panicking teenage girl, who thinks her secret crush has been ignominiously exposed, might even issue a public denial, either sarcastically ("Oh yeah, that's right, I have this secret passion for Harry, sleep with his photo under my pillow and kiss it every night")(good bet, as lying with the truth is easier to carry off) or, less convincingly, with indignation ("The whole thing is a total lie!  Harry and me are just friends!").  Fondly imagining that Harry would of course know that this was just to get people off her back.  The problem being that if we could assume for argument that Harry *did* actually like her, he might well hear her denial and take it to heart rather than realise her motivations were more complicated (i.e. to protect her from public ridicule, confident that he would realise that she didn't mean for *him* to take her literally because he knows her better).

OK, here's a potentially controversial comment (Tabouli braces herself for an avalanche of outraged hate mail): I've often heard straight men complaining about the unpredictability and "irrationality" of female behaviour.  Indeed, I've even seen women playing on this stereotype for humour and putting stickers on their bumpers about it.  From my own informal observations, this complaint is usually linked to men not appreciating the conflicting motivations behind the woman's behaviour.

Take the H/H example, and assume Harry and Hermione like each other (one for the H/H shippers!).  Harry likes Hermione, would dearly like to start a relationship with her, and is watching her worriedly for evidence that he may "have a chance".  Let's say Hermione fobs off curious interrogators with the sarcastic "Yeah right, sure, I'm desperately in love with Harry" line.  Harry, on the watch, hears the sarcasm and flinches.  Clearly she is saying that the idea of her liking him is out of the question.  Hence no chance.  Forget about it, don't make a fool of yourself.  Then, after dropping what to her are incredibly obvious hints to him that she likes him for months, she finally blushingly confesses to him and he is totally baffled.  "But you said you didn't like me that way!"

He doesn't see that Hermione's contradictory behaviour is the result of trying to send two different and complicated messages. One to her peers to convince them that she doesn't want Harry so as to avoid public embarrassment and also avoid publicly forcing the Relationship Issue and pushing Harry into an outright yes or no and potentially ruining the friendship and causing serious loss of face for both.  The second, and no less complex message is to Harry, and is meant to convey to him that, public face-saving comments aside, she likes him, but would still like to be friends if he doesn't like her In That Way.  This needs to be done so discreetly that only Harry picks it up (again avoiding public humiliation), and can then respond with equally discreet clues to let her know whether the answer is yes or no so that the issue need never be directly and embarrassingly raised, with the shame of rejection, potential damage to the friendship, etc., until she's absolutely sure his answer is yes. Hence the obsessive analysis of every twitch Harry makes with her female friends (if Hermione had any and was that kinda gal), because it may be an Answer.  See also obsessive analysis about every mention of her he makes behind her back, which her friends will of course have been assigned to report back to her.

Sadly, most of this is likely to be lost on Harry, who wants a simple answer to his simple question: Does Hermione want a relationship with me?  and would probably be alarmed and frustrated if he knew how much his every twitch and comment was being analysed.  (I have tried to explain this sort of thing to men of my acquaintance, one of whom said "Bloody women!  Can't they just come up and say I fancy you, wanna shag so I can say yes or no and everyone knows what's what?")

Of course, a few men seem to twig right from the start and some men start to figure it out as they get older (and have more open, intimate contact with women), so there starts to be more and more of a sliding scale from the "wanna shag" types to the guys who infuriatingly "get all the chicks", or at least, are popular with women because they've got insight into the female psyche (often to the mystification of men who feel their own charms are greatly superior/ that they are far nicer guys and chicks have no idea).  There are other factors, of course, but IMO this one can make a lot of difference...

Tabouli

(who has been told more than once that she treats her life like a psychological study, and is always interested in feedback on her theories...)


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