HP: Gender studies 101

[Megan]

No: HPFGUIDX 29685

<Tabouli wrote:>
<snip>
> If the article were actually spot-on, a more desperate and panicking
teenage girl, who thinks her secret crush has been ignominiously
exposed, might even issue a public denial, either sarcastically ("Oh
yeah, that's right, I have this secret passion for Harry, sleep with
his photo under my pillow and kiss it every night")(good bet, as lying
with the truth is easier to carry off) or, less convincingly, with
indignation ("The whole thing is a total lie!  Harry and me are just
friends!").  Fondly imagining that Harry would of course know that
this was just to get people off her back.  The problem being that if
we could assume for argument that Harry *did* actually like her, he
might well hear her denial and take it to heart rather than realise
her motivations were more complicated (i.e. to protect her from public
ridicule, confident that he would realise that she didn't mean for
*him* to take her literally because he knows her better).

----And then there's those funny in-the-middles where you're not SURE
if you really like this guy or not, but of course flatly deny any
allegations of the sort.  In fact, an article like this would be what
causes Hermione to examine herself & feelings, because it forces the
issues and forces her to make some hard decisions about herself.  But
of course, if she indeed likes Ron (<bg>), then forcing the issue
would make her very embarrassed, because now she doesn't want Ron to
get the idea that she /might/ like Harry but only denies it in order
to avoid humiliation.  Also, if she continues to deny to preserve
herself, it could send a message to him that she's not interested in
/anybody/ and is put off by the idea of relationships altogether.

<snip> 
> He doesn't see that Hermione's contradictory behaviour is the result
of trying to send two different and complicated messages. One to her
peers to convince them that she doesn't want Harry so as to avoid
public embarrassment and also avoid publicly forcing the Relationship
Issue and pushing Harry into an outright yes or no and potentially
ruining the friendship and causing serious loss of face for both.  The
second, and no less complex message is to Harry, and is meant to
convey to him that, public face-saving comments aside, she likes him,
but would still like to be friends if he doesn't like her In That Way.
 This needs to be done so discreetly that only Harry picks it up
(again avoiding public humiliation), and can then respond with equally
discreet clues to let her know whether the answer is yes or no so that
the issue need never be directly and embarrassingly raised, with the
shame of rejection, potential damage to the friendship, etc., until
she's absolutely sure his answer is yes. Hence the obsessive analysis
of every twitch Harry makes with her female friends (if Hermione had
any and was that kinda gal), because it may be an Answer.  See also
obsessive analysis about every mention of her he makes behind her
back, which her friends will of course have been assigned to report
back to her.

----Gee, are you trying to make women sound bad, Tabouli <vbg>?  And
giving away all of our secrets!  (Gosh, all of this sounds awfully
familiar.)
  
> Sadly, most of this is likely to be lost on Harry, who wants a
simple answer to his simple question: Does Hermione want a
relationship with me?  and would probably be alarmed and frustrated if
he knew how much his every twitch and comment was being analysed.  (I
have tried to explain this sort of thing to men of my acquaintance,
one of whom said "Bloody women!  Can't they just come up and say I
fancy you, wanna shag so I can say yes or no and everyone knows what's
what?")

----Too bad more men don't get this explained to them more often, lol.
 And there are no simple answers.  I just don't think the two (R/h OR
H/H) are to that level yet.  I think as of GOF, they (whoever THEY may
be) are more on the step of realization that actualization of "feelings".

-Megan (who is going to save this post and print it out everytime some
guy needs an answer as to why we do the things we do!)