Azkaban and wizard prisons/wizard lawyers

[Eric Oppen]

No: HPFGUIDX 25684


>
> --- In HPforGrownups at y..., "Eric Oppen" <oppen at c...> wrote:
> > But I can think of a _lot_ of ways to be an unethical, nasty,
> corrupt
> > slimeball without ever joining up with Voldemort, if I were a
> wizard.  <snip>

Not that I would _DO_ these things...*big innocent smile*  I just have a
naturally nasty mind.  Yeah, that's it---that's the ticket!  I'm just asking
these questions for _research purposes!_
>
> Not to mention the wonderful possibilities in the fraud
> > field.  Any halfway-competent wizard could scam up a pretty good
> living off
> > the Muggles by just pretending to be a seer or fortune-teller.

This alone would be a fairly big thing, I'd think.

> >
> > For that matter, who in the world needs Avada Kedavra to kill?
> Conjure up
> > some ropes, tie the victim up, levitate him or her up about fifty
> or sixty
> > feet, drop hard onto nearest hard surface or into deep water, and
> once dead,
> > dissolve the ropes, and the Muggle please-men'll have a jolly time
> figuring
> > out that murder was even done!
> >
> *Gasp!*  Well, thank goodness we have MoM to keep this sort of thing
> to a minimum.  I think MoM exists to make sure wizards don't abuse
> their powers over muggles.  So much of what you describe ought to
> land you in wizard jail for violating the Protection of Muggles Act
> and International Code of Wizarding Secrecy, just for starters.

That's _if_ they figure out:
A) that a wizard's been at work and
B) that _I_ was that wizard.


> Even if you hired the best wizard lawyer around, all
> they'd have to do is use Priori Incantantem on your wand, and Sirius'
> prison term will look like a weekend holiday to you.

Precisely my point, although an unethical wizard might well have more than
one wand around.  If, forex, I'm from an old wizarding family *cough Malfoy
cough cough* I might well have Great-Aunt Honoria's wand, as well as five or
six others besides the wand that I'm known to own.  We know that wizards can
own more than one wand.  If I'm not _known for sure_ to have access to more
than one wand, Priori Incantatem might be a point in my defense..."See?
They cast Priori Incantatem on my wand, and got spells that create cute
little bunny rabbits!  I couldn't be the wizard that robbed the Bank of
England!"

>
> By the way, we have had wizard journalists, nurses, bus drivers,
> retailers, politicians, and executioners.  Why no wizard lawyers?
> Maybe in OoP?

Their trials don't seem to have much room for lawyers; the question's been
raised in fan fiction once or twice.  A wizard counterpart to "Rumpole of
the Bailey" would be fun!  (It would make a great fanfic---"Rumpole of the
Bailey" written from the POV of an old wizard lawyer who's seen and done it
all in his time, and is now writing it down!)

>
> >(Come to it, I wonder if Ludo Bagman's "trial" was JKR's comment on
> the OJ
> >Simpson whoop-tee-doo?)
>
> I'm sure she'd deny it with her last breath, but you have to wonder.
> Despite the obvious double-standard accorded popular/rich/famous
> defendants in real life, did anyone else find the gushing member of
> the jury to be over the top?  I really can't believe anyone would be
> that blatant.

I thought it was an honestly iffy question whether Bagman was or was not an
actual DE.  I wonder what would have happened if the court had received a
sworn statement from Voldemort to the effect:  "No, Bagman is _not_ a Death
Eater.  Death Eaters, after all, are the _elite,_ and the only way Bagman's
elite at all off the Quidditch pitch is in the Baldrick Think-Alike Club.
His intellect is like the four-headed man-eating fish beast of Aberdeen---it
doesn't exist.  Kindly do not insult me this way again, unless you fancy
spending the rest of your lives on lily pads.  Yours with utter contempt,
LORD VOLDEMORT."