How Can I Solve My Problem With Kedavra? (filk)

[coriolan_cmc2001]

No: HPFGUIDX 42022

How Can I Solve My Problem With Kedavra?

To the tune of How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria from The Sound 
of Music 

Dedicated to Jenny of Ravenclaw 

THE SCENE: Hogwarts in the mid-1940s. The young Tom Riddle ponders 
revenge against his estranged father 

TOM:	
He broke Mum's heart and made her die
Because she was a witch
He waltzed away and left his son
Abandoned in a ditch.
On me bequeathed his own name, an insult to injury.
And starting now I'm looking for some payback
In Hangleton my father lives a life of sheltered ease
But to the Dark Arts library I just now filched the keys
To find an answer for this Riddle ought to be a breeze

(Segue to the restricted Dark Arts section of the library, late at 
night. Enter TOM, alone)

These volumes sitting on the shelves go way back
I'm gonna show 'em that I've got the smarts
To master the Dark Arts

He inspects the volumes on the shelves.

How can I solve my problem with Kedavra?
How can I get my wand to blaze green light?
How do I do the spell that makes cadavers
Who'll swing from a gibbet
And will be embalmed
Tonight?

(He selects an ancient and forbidding-looking textbook and begins 
avidly reading it. )

Many a risky curse is in these courses
Many a chilling charm is in these texts
But how can my dad be killed
And his beating heart be stilled
In such a way that I'm not a suspect?

How can I solve my problem with Kedavra?
How can I cast a murder with a spell?

(Suddenly TOM finds the incantation he needs in the pages of the book)

I now can reject the mud of the Muggle whose foul blood
Taints my veins while making me as mad as hell
Irresistible in power
Yet as silent as a flower 
It's demonic, it's disaster, a death knell.
It manslaughters any man
Liquidates like nothing can
An apocalypse collapsing in thin air

(TOM pretends to address his father directly)

"My poor mother you reviled, 
Thomas Riddle, I'm your child,
Your King Oedipus, your Mordred,
Your nightmare."   

(Having mastered the curse, TOM exits the library)

Now I can solve my problem with Kedavra
Now I can make this massacre occur
'Cause when I say the word that is Kedavra
He won't know what hit him
He will be a corpse
For sure

Money it seems has bought for him a soft life
Money he thinks will keep him safe and sound
But to him I'll Apparate
And make him Thomas the Late
And my dear dad will soon sleep underground.

Then I'll have solved my problem with Kedavra
Once I have cast a murder with a spell
..

(Tom vanishes.)

     - CMC

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