Skrewt News (filk)

[coriolan_cmc2001]

No: HPFGUIDX 42093

Skrewt News (GoF, Chap. 24)

To the tune of Footloose

THE SCENE: Outside Hagrid's cabin The Care of Magical Creatures (CMC) 
class is being taught with a substitute. Harry is concerned about 
Hagrid's unexplained absence.

HARRY: What's wrong with Hagrid?
DRACO: Oh he hasn't been attacked, Potter, if that's what you're 
thinking. No, he's just too ashamed to show his big, ugly face.
HARRY:  What d'you mean?.
DRACO: (pulling out a folded page of newsprint) There you go. Hate to 
break it to you. Potter. ...

(Suddenly, RITA SKEETER seems to Apparate out of nowhere, grabs the 
article from Draco, and begins to read it herself, accompanied by a 
CHORUS OF SLYTHERINS jitterbugging (what else?) with exuberant 
Schadenfreude over Hagrid's plight and the Trio's discomfort.)

SKEETER
Dumbledore's HR
Is really sub-par
He hired Moody
Weird dude, he's trigger-happy
But ain't that new man
That has me worried the most  
It's that part-human he gave
The Magic Care post

SKEETER & CHORUS
So I've/she's got this news, 
Skrewt news, guess how they reproduce?
Crabs, they grab manticores to make babs
Did Hagrid do what our laws forbid?
Skrewts' off-shoot, the crisis' now acute!

SKEETER
His teaching's so cruel, bringin' horrors to school
His skrewts are really red-hot
He's learning burning seminars
Nor can someone tell him his Flobberworms always bite
He's saying he has fun
Seems him and Potter are so tight
But we know that he's only a



SKEETER & CHORUS

.Brute uncute, that's the man raisin' Skrewts
If his `griff comes by they're/we're all scared stiff 
Super scoop, I'll/she'll give you the full poop:
Heed this screed, he's a giant half-breed

SKEETER
His mum's an evil giant
Their kind ain't too compliant
They fought for Lord Voldemort
So turn him loose
..

SKEETER & CHORUS
Loose, cut loose, from our school please vamoose!
Giant guy, time to tell ya bye-bye!
CMC's too good for the likes of he!
Can't giant to his mountain transplant?

Brute uncute, that's the man raisin' Skrewts
Did Hagrid do what our laws forbid?
Heed this screed, he's a giant half-breed
Loose, cut loose, from our school please vamoose!

Albus Dumble cut
Albus Dumble cut
 
Albus Dumble cut
Albus Dumble cut
Albus Dumble cut
Albus Dumble cut
Albus Dumble cut him loose!

HARRY (spoken, outraged) Flobberworms haven't even got teeth!

   - CMC

HARRY POTTER FILKS 
http://home.att.net/~coriolan/hpfilks.htm
(updated on 8/2/02 with 34 new filks) 

NOTE: CMC in the filk above refers to Care of Magical Creatures, not 
the author