[FILK] Thick Bottomed Cauldrons

[Lilac]

No: HPFGUIDX 42209


"Thick Bottomed Cauldrons"

to the tune of "Fat Bottomed Girls" by Queen

[a/n: Ever since I've first read GOF, I've hummed the original song whenever I read the phrase "thick bottomed cauldrons". Now that I'm on a filking kick, I finally "filked" it for all it was worth! What makes this song so funny to me is that the style is *so* not Percy -- lots of heavy rock-n-roll guitar!] 

 

Dedicated to Rick.

 

(THE SCENE: Percy is in his room, working on his reports for the Department of International Magical Cooperation, pauses to think about how this job is just the first step on the ladder that will lead him to power within the Ministry of Magic...)

 

I got to take reports home tonight, 

Ah, and study them by my wand-light! 

I'm gonna earn some of Crouch's clout! 

Thick bottomed cauldrons help the Magic world go round! 



(GUITAR SOLO)

(Hey!)

I was just a skinny lad. 

I was always good, not bad, 

But there's power to be had at the Ministry -Huh!

Perfect Prefect years five/six,

But to fully get my kicks, 

Dumbledore had to make Head Boy out of me.

(Hey!) 

(MORE GUITAR)

(Woooo!)

I've been working hard all day, 

These reports won't let me play, 

Standardizing cauldron thickness for my pay. 

But I'd rather work on this

(They see me a tad "obsessed") 

Than spend time with all those nutters like the twins.

(C'mon!)

Oh, charts and graphs to take home tonight! 

Oh, I'll study them by candlelight! 

Oh, and I'll give it all I've got 

Thick bottomed cauldrons will make me a "Prefect Who Gained Power"!

Thick bottomed cauldrons will make me a "Prefect Who Gained Power"!

(Hey listen here...) 

Now this teeny, tiny home 

Fills me with the urge to roam; 

*Ain't* no brainy types in this locality ( I mean *There are*). 

But my job gives me this pleasure, 

Crunching numbers for my treasure, 

Making money climbing up at the Ministry.



(Now get this...) 

Oh, (I know) more reports to read tonight (please!) 

Oh, down beside the dim firelight! 

Oh, it just makes me want to shout, 

"Thick bottomed cauldrons will make this Wizard go world-round!" 

"Thick bottomed cauldrons will make this Wizard go world-round!" 

 

(PERCY IS PLAYING A BROOM LIKE A GUITAR DURING THIS PART...)

Get on your brooms and fly! 

Ooh yeah oh yeah them thick-bottomed cauldrons! 

Thick bottomed cauldrons...Thick bottomed cauldrons...Yeah yeah yeah 

Alright, ride 'em, c'mon...Thick bottomed cauldrons...yes yes!

(Punctuating the last three beats by slamming a broom hard on the floor, Percy soon realizes the mess he's made with the now twig-less broom.  After he takes a few calming breaths, he pushes his crooked glasses back on his nose, grabs his wand to repair the broom, then goes back to finishing the report.) 



 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Tut, tut --- hardly any of you remembered that my favorite color is *lilac*. I say so in Year with the Yeti." 

--Gilderoy Lockhart, COS



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