You Don’t Mess Around With Marge (filk)

[coriolan_cmc2001]

No: HPFGUIDX 42356

You Don't Mess Around With Marge (PoA, Chap. 2)

To the tune of You Don't Mess Around With Jim by Jim Croce

Dedicated to Frankie 

Hear an instrumental version at:

http://ventures.pl.ru:8000/music/74-1/

THE SCENE: Four Privet Drive. VERNON prepares HARRY for the arrival 
of his sister MARGE

HARRY
Gringott's has its goblins
In Potions, we got Snape
Four Privet Drive gets Big Aunt Margie 
The proverb'yal 800-lb ape

VERNON
Though it makes you glum your Aunt Marge will come
She's a woman of such quality
Don't want her hearin' a single word spoken 
About your abnormality

DUDLEY: (Just because ...)
PETUNIA: (They say ...)

VERNON: You don't BS with a bulldog
HARRY: You don't watch a basilisk charge
BOTH: You don't make a pillow of a sharp Dursley drill, oh,
And you don't mess around with Marge
Ba-doo-da-doo-doo doo-doo-doo-doo doot

HARRY
Well, to the village of Hogsmeade all the third-years flock
But seems I'm needin' this note signed by you
And if your Hancock I lack, I'm sure to go off half-cracked
And forget about St. Bru

Now you are wantin' to tell Marge I'm Incurable
To a Secure Center I go
And though it may quite a struggle, I'll play the good Muggle
But I ain't without no quid pro quo

DUDLEY & PETUNIA
(And everybody say, Jack -- don't you know that...)

VERNON: You don't take a donut from Dudley
HARRY: You don't  Dumbledore discharge
BOTH: And though we are hatin' this negotiatin'
I/Vern just can't mess around with Marge
Ba-doo-da-doo-doo doo-doo-doo-doo doot

(VERNON agrees to sign HARRY's note in exchange for his going along 
with the St. Brutus ruse)

HARRY:
With a sigh I entered my bedroom
Then Hedwig's sent flyin' off into air 
And when the cleanin' was done, the only thing that wasn't Muggly
Was my scar and untidy hair.

VERNON
She'll carp at him in a hundred ways, Sis 
Can tear him worse than Ripper tore
And he better not risk it, else it's strictly dog biscuits 
When Big Marge hits our door

VERNON: You don't make a Muggle love magic
HARRY: You don't ask a dragon to dance

(Enter MARGE, with a heavy suitcase in one hand and Ripper the 
Bulldog in the other )

MARGE: And it's just like they used to always say to Bertie Wooster,
ALL: "You just don't mess around with Aunts"
Ba-doo-da-doo-doo doo-doo-doo-doo doot

   -	CMC

NOTE: Bertie Wooster, protagonist and narrator of many of PG 
Wodehouse's finest novels and stories, was frequently terrorized by 
his formidable Aunt Agatha, "who eats broken bottles and wears barbed 
wire around her skin," as well as by his friendlier but quite 
boisterous Aunt Dahlia. 

HARRY POTTER FILKS 
http://home.att.net/~coriolan/hpfilks.htm