FILK: Granger

[marinafrants]

No: HPFGUIDX 43016

Granger
To the tune of "Alma" by Tom Lehrer

SCENE: In her office at the "Daily Prophet," Rita Skeeter dicates yet
another slanderous article about Hermione to her quill.

RITA:
The most dangerous witch in the Isles
Is Granger -- the sneakiest, too.
All men in her sphere she beguiles,
How she does this, I haven't a clue.

Her conquests are truly amazing,
That girl is a menace, I say!
Blood pressures and eyebrows she's raising,
As she bags a new boy every day.

Granger, tell us,
You're making the Hogwarts girls jealous,
Did you bang on some magical drum
To get Potter and Weasley and Krum?

The first one she conquered was Potter,
And to get him she played every card.
He said, "I'm so happy I've got her!
Just rename me The Boy Who Fell Hard."

But he was so awkward and scrawny,
With a messy-haired, clueless demeanor.
She wanted somebody more brawny,
So she went looking for pasture that's greener.

Granger, tell us,
You're making the Hogwarts girls jealous,
How did you get them all to succumb,
Bagging Potter and Weasley and Krum?

Harry's fame was a major attraction,
But it wasn't enough in the end.
Granger said, "It is time for some action!"
And went after Potter's best friend.

And that's how she picked up Ron Weasley,
Whose blood is distinguished and pure,
But his family fortune is measley, 
Her comforts he couldn't ensure.

Granger, tell us,
You're making the Hogwarts girls jealous,
Though your charms add up to a small sum,
You got Potter and Weasley and Krum.

So she threw Ronnie over for Viktor,
Who has fame and fortune to spare,
He did not have the strength to evict her,
And now he is caught in her snare.

So that is the story of Granger,
Who surely must practice Dark Arts.
I warn you, that girl is a danger!
Boys, don't let her toy with your hearts!

Granger, tell us,
How can they help but be jealous,
You've left them nothing but crumbs,
While you got Potter and Weasley,
By what spells dark and grisly
Did you get Potter and Weasley and Krum?

Marina
rusalka at ix.netcom.com