Cartoon characters, The McHogwarts Franchise (TBAY trickle)

Tabouli tabouli at unite.com.au
Fri Aug 30 08:54:45 UTC 2002


No: HPFGUIDX 43356

Dicentra:
> Voldemort isn't well fleshed-out because he's had so little screen time, but I wouldn't call him a Toon either.<

(resists temptation to make bad puns about Voldemort's new flesh)  I, on the other hand, have always found Voldemort decidedly Toonish.  To me he's a total cartoon villain.  A discarded extra from the animated Lord of the Rings!  Red eyed and black cloaked and hissing and fondling his snake and torturing his snivelling sidekick and blundering constantly in his efforts to slay the hero... he's millimetres away from Inspector Gadget's Doctor Claw!  "I'll get you next time, Potter... next time..."  Give me Barty Junior the BABEMEISTER any day.

(ignores shadow of a Wolf and a dishwasher in peripheral vision)

As for the "little screen time" escape clause, nope, I don't let JKR off the hook that easy.  See, as someone else pointed out long long ago, Tom Riddle only popped up briefly in CoS, and is *much* better drawn than his later Moldy incarnation (sudden sniggering at the thought of calling the Big V "Voldi" which is hastily suppressed).  He still had some style.  Some flesh (if not literally).  Fudge probably has about the same amount of screen time as Voldi and he's an interesting, complex figure.  Maybe the Big V *has* finally flipped by Book 4, but did he have to flip in so Cartoon Evil Overlordish a way? Grf.

***
Just as the bedraggled figure in the dinghy returns to the map, trying to figure out where she is, a strange tinkly tune fills the sea air.  After several tinkly verses, which remind her oddly of curly haired little girls and confectionary, she tracks down its source as the lurid pink mobile phone, still in the slot on the mysterious metal machine.  There is a new message on it.

Catlady:
> JKR Interviews: Hogwarts is the only wizarding school for UK and it 
has 1000 students.<
>
>Books: the references to other schools cited by Elkins and the 
depiction of approximately 280 students at Hogwarts Castle.<
>
>Way to make all this evidence be true at the same time: Hogwarts has 
more than one campus. The original campus, the Castle, has circa 280 
students and is called "Hogwarts" for short, while the other 
campus(es) are named Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry at 
(e.g.) Woodcroft and called e.g. "Woodcroft"<

Blinking to herself, she replaces the phone in the slot, and presses the lever.  This time the grinding and chugging is a little more enthusiastic, and the piece of paper at the other end emerges with more aplomb.  She picks it up curiously.  It reads:

MCHAPPYMEAL (Multiple Campus Hogwarts Augments Population, Purporting Youngsters Might Enter Alternatively Located Schools).

As before, this is following by a clatter of little badges, this time sealed in tiny plastic packets with a free toy inside.  The badges have the above slogan on them, encircling a tiny picture of a hamburger, fries and soft drink.  Shaking her head, she scoops them into the pocket of one of the faded costumes in the dinghy and returns to the map...

Tabouli.


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