FILK - You're a Mean One, Mr. Crouch.

Mon Dec 9 20:23:42 UTC 2002

No: HPFGUIDX 48013

Elkins stalks on stage, an exquisitively nasty look on her face, and
takes the microphone from a petrified Eileen.

You're a mean one, Mr. Crouch.
You really are a heel.
You're as sexy as a beach crab.
You're as upright as an eel.
Mr. Crouch.

You're a Coriolanus
With a Brutian feel. 

You're a monster, Mr. Crouch.
Your heart's an empty hole.
Your acts are all ambition,
Your motives black as coal,
Mr. Crouch.

I wouldn't mind, Crouch,
if the author'd damned your soul. 

You're a vile one, Mr. Crouch.
You've a Basiliskan smile. 
You have all the tender sweetness 
Of some armadillo bile.
Mr. Crouch.

Given the choice between the two of you
I'd take the armadillo bile.

You're a foul one, Mr. Crouch.
You're an ever-so-evil git. 
Your closet's full of skeletons.
Your love as pure as grit.  
Mr. Crouch.

The one word that best describes you,
is, and I quote: 'HY-PO-CRITE"

You're a rotter, Mr. Crouch.
You did anything for fame. 
You were sleeping with your house-elf.
You forgot poor Percy's name.
Mr. Crouch. 

Your soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing,
with the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable rubbish imaginable,
Mangled up in tangled up blame. 

------------------------------------------------------

Eileen, who is going to have to make up for this by writing a more
Crouch-sympathetic FILK, and notes that the Grinch got a Redemption
scene as well