[HPforGrownups] Re: TBAY: Peter Doesn't Get The Girl. Or does he?

[Edblanning at aol.com]

No: HPFGUIDX 40688

Captain Cindy had been having a tough week. Attacked on all sides, her 
ca(n)nons having run loose all over the deck, in the process squashing flat a 
couple of very promising young theories, she had retreated to the relative 
safety of her cabin, where she thought she was alone.

'Demented,' she thought, 'demented. They all think I'm demented.'

Lying on her hammock, staring at the ceiling she thought she saw something. 
The ceiling was *smiling* at her. 
Cindy blinked. Perhaps she *was* demented.
The smile widened. A face began to appear, followed by a body.

'Hello, Eloise.'
'Hello, Cindy,' said Eloise, for it was she. (Attentive readers will remember 
that Eloise hails from Cheshire, where this variation of apparition is 
common.)
'Are you sure you want to be here? You're *British*, aren't you?' said the 
captain, deftly deflecting with her Big Paddle an arrow marked 'Made in 
Britain' which had come whizzing through the open port hole. 
Eloise grinned sheepishly. 'I guess my compatriots *have* been giving you a 
bit of a tough time, haven't they?'

'And you haven't come to give me any more of those, have you?'
She indicated a scrunched up ball of parchment. Inside was a golf-ball-sized 
pill, stamped 'British Culture'. The instructions on the parchment read, 'To 
be swallowed whole.'
Eloise laughed. 'Of course not. Far too much to swallow in one go. Try one of 
these instead. Each one is different.'

She handed Cindy a packet marked, 
'Brittabs.
Curious Pills for Curious People.
All you never knew you wanted to know about Britain and British culture 
in pleasant tasting, melt in the mouth tablet form.
Take one as required.'

'I invented them myself. Five Sickles a packet.'

Cindy popped one in her mouth.

'Is it working?'

'I don't know; let me try', said Cindy. 'By George, I think it is! Surrey, a 
county in south-east England..... county town Guildford.....famous landmarks 
include Runnymede, where King John signed the Magna Carta......

''Good, good,' interrupted Eloise, ' Nice accent, by the way. I didn't know 
about that particular side effect. What's that? No, of course you're not the 
first person I've tried them out on......But that's not why I'm here.'

'It's not? So why *are* you back in the Bay after all this time? Long time, 
no see.'

'I know, I know. Well, I've not really recovered from that spell in St 
Mungo's. The stuff they give you there! The potions, the charms! How did you 
resist it, Cindy? How did you get out of that place with your insanity 
intact? Is it really just a case of your will being stronger than mine?'

'Well, undoutedly it is, but then of course, I've only been there as an 
outpatient,' said Cindy.'You know, to see that nice Dr George.'

'Him!' snorted Eloise, 'You tell your innermost, darkest, most intimate 
secrets to *him*? You do realise they'll be all over the Bay before you can 
say Mackled Malaclaw, don't you?
'In fact, I happened upon this, when I was in his office. In a folder marked, 
"For Immediate Publication". This is what I came to see you about.'

Eloise threw a sheaf of notes onto the hammock. Being in doctors' 
handwriting, they were hard to decipher, but the contents soon became clear. 
They were the notes he had taken during his last session with the captain.

'You haven't read them, have you?' asked Cindy, 'only I wanted to keep this 
theory quiet. I don't *need* any more controversy just now. I just want to 
*rest*.'

'Well, my eye couldn't help straying (that writing *is difficult, isn't it? 
Took me ages to work out what it said) but of course I wouldn't *dream* of 
telling anyone else about it.
'You have another interpretation of what was going on behind the greenhouse, 
don't you? Or rather, of what *wasn't* going on.'

'Yeah, that's right,' says Cindy, warming to her subject and reverting to her 
normal accent,

>  "A while back, some of us were 
> playing around with Florence theories.  And I came up with this idea 
> that it was really *Peter* kissing *Florence* behind the greenhouses 
> and Peter hexed Bertha.  That makes Bertha Jorkins' appearance in 
> the Pensieve scene of _GoF_ a rich and powerful message from 
> Dumbledore's subconscious mind. I wrote it all up in Message 35,398."
> 

'Yep. Dr George liked that one, alright. Makes a lot of sense.'

> "I know, I know.  Well, now Elkins has *hijacked* it!  The whole 
> thing – she made off with the *whole darn thing!*  She says she 
> doesn't see *why* Peter would have hexed nosy Bertha Jorkins for 
> teasing him about kissing a girl. She says a chubby little bottom-
> feeder like Peter would kind of *like* it for everyone to know that 
> he'd actually managed to kiss a real live girl.  Elkins says that 
> Peter was in love with Lily, and that's why Peter was so very angry 
> that Bertha tattled about his snogging with Florence."
> <>
>  "But it's not *right!*" <> "if Peter loved Lily in their Hogwarts days, 
> then there's a 
> very good reason why Peter was so angry with Bertha – angry enough 
> to hex her.  See, we've struggled to figure out who was kissing 
> Florence behind the greenhouses.  We've said it was Snape.  Or 
> Sirius.  Or Peter.  Or even Lupin.  But we've ignored the *obvious* 
> 

'Which is?'
> <>
> 
> "*No one* was kissing Florence!" the Captain cried.  "It *Never Even 
> Happened!*  Bertha told Peter she had seen him kissing Florence, and 
> it was a *flat-out lie.*  She was *teasing* him – she says so in the 
> Pensieve.  And Big Mouth Bertha had to go and tease Peter about 
> something that never even happened *right in front of Peter's first 
> true love* – Lily Potter.  This *ruined* Peter's chances of ever 
> having Lily, drove Lily into the waiting arms of James, and made 
> Peter mad enough to hex stupid Bertha on the spot for telling 
> tales.  And mad enough to follow up and help kidnap Bertha many 
> years later and torture her half to death."  

'Yes, Cindy. I like this idea. I like it quite a lot. I mean it's bad enough 
to be teased about something that really happened, but to be teased about 
something that *didn't* and, moreover that is so ludicrous that it would make 
you a complete laughing stock can be much, much worse. How *could* Lily take 
pity on him after that?'

At that moment the conversation was interrupted by a knock on the door. It 
was the cabin elf, struggling with a ca(n)non, which, though small, was 
nearly as big as himself.
'Excusing me, Ma'am, Miss,' he said, 'only this is just appearing and I is 
not knowing what I is to do with it.'

'Bring it in,' said Cindy, wearily, watching the little creature as it 
struggled to push the ca(n)non through the door. 'Another ca(n)non. Just what 
I need. What does it say?'

Eloise peered at the inscription.

"'Curiosity is not a sin', he said. 'But we should exercise caution with our 
curiosity ... yes, indeed ...'...................
"........'But why, Bertha,' said Dumbledore sadly, looking up at the now 
silently revolving girl, 'why did you have to follow him in the first place?'"

'Oh, dear, Cindy. Doesn't this imply that Bertha really *did* follow whoever 
was kissing Florence? That she really *did* see the incident? She followed 
Peter then out of curiosity and it was her curiosity which led her to her 
follow him to her death. Isn't this part of the subconscious point that 
Dumbledore is getting? Perhaps Peter *did* get the girl, after, all. Or 
rather she got him, if we assume that Flo really *is* the future Mrs 
Lestrange. Apparently an effective method of recruitment, no? Maybe *that*'s 
why he was so angry - Bertha witnessed his conversion (and perhaps he wasn't 
the only one converted behind the greenhouses). Look, this is a small 
ca(n)non and that's a big porthole. What say we just throw it overboard? I 
won't say anything if you don't.'

A few minutes later, the cabin elf reappeared at the door.

'I is hearing a big splash, Ma'am. Is everything being all right?

The two women exchanged conspiratorial glances. 

'Oh, yes,' they assured him. 'Everything's just fine.'

Eloise.

...............................
For an explanation of the acronyms and theories in this post, visit
Hypothetic Alley at 
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HPforGrownups/files/Admin%
20Files/hypotheticalley.htm 

and Inish Alley at 
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HPforGrownups/database?
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