Every Elf Keeps Secrets (filk)

[coriolan_cmc2001]

No: HPFGUIDX 41587

Every Elf Keeps Secrets (from GoF, Chap. 28)

To the tune of Every Sperm Is Sacred, from Monty Python's The Meaning 
of Life

Hear the original at:

http://www.mwscomp.com/sound.html

Dedicated to Lilac

THE SCENE: The Kitchen. The TRIO arrive to give DOBBY a pair of 
socks,  a gift for his Second Task assistance. They see WINKY, in a 
slovenly and inebriated state, sitting by the fireside, with a bottle 
of Butterbeer in hand. 

WINKY:
There are gnomes in the world, there are Centaurs
There are wizards and witches and then
There are those that yearned after freedom 
But I've never been one of them

I'm the Crouch's house-elf
Like my mama and grandma before
And the one thing they say about house-elves
That we're all to secrecy sworn

Winky always kept Master's house clean
And now you say Master is ill 
My Master can't manage without me, `cause
I kept his stuff confidential
Here's why




Every elf keeps secrets
Every elf stays mum
When people gets nosin' 
Elves get deaf and dumb

Every elf is faithful
Every elf's discreet
Elves should not go blabbing
If Masters Death-Eat

Winky knows a secret
She will never tell
She will never spill beans, 
Her lip's as zipped as hell.

HERMIONE
Every elf is precious
Every elf's a dear

DOBBY
Every elf gets plastered
Drinking butterbeer

(WINKY passes out. A CHORUS OF ELVES steps forward to cover her with 
a tablecloth.)

CHORUS OF ELVES
Elves should all stay sober
And Butterbeer avoid
Elves must not be winos
Then they will stay employed

HERMIONE
Winky is unhappy
She has earned that right
For wages and clothing
It's now time to fight

CHORUS OF ELVES
Every elf keeps busy 
Every elf works hard
Elves do not have the right
To act with self-regard

Winky is unhappy?
She has not that right!
Not when there are chores to do 
And filksongs to recite

HERMIONE
Every elf needs freedom
Just look at Dobby

DOBBY (withering under the hostile stares of his fellow elves)
Miss will kindly promise
To find some new hobby

CHORUS
Every elf is ashamed
Winky, this ain't cute!
Dobby at the same time
Is not in high repute 

(The CHORUS push the TRIO out the door, while filling their arms with 
food)

Don't judge us by Winky
She's a clear disgrace.
We has all your food now
Go and stuff your face!

(The kitchen door resoundingly slams shut behind the TRIO)

  - CMC

HARRY POTTER FILKS 
http://home.att.net/~coriolan/hpfilks.htm