[HPforGrownups] Re: Hurt-Comfort and reader crushes

[Laura Ingalls Huntley]

No: HPFGUIDX 39343


I said:
> <<<Mature taste?  Alright...I'll admit that, being a teenager, I 
probably am not the best authority on what is "mature", but 
well..jeez.  Ron seems very unhealthy and immature right now 
when it comes to *coughs* matters of the heart...<<<

Pippin said:
>And the other two aren't? What's Hermione playing at with Viktor 
>anyway? Is anybody really comfortable about her being in a  
>relationship with a seventeen year old boy? 

Well, *I'm* comfortable...honestly, never been in a relationship of that nature before, but several of my friends were..back in the day.  The relationships I've seen between 14/15 year old friends and their 17/18 year old boyfriends (or girlfriends, actually) seem no more unhealthy than any other adolescent relationships I've seen.

Esp. in Hermione's case -- she's very mature for her age, and she seems to have a good grasp on what she *doesn't* want..

I only feel sorry for Vicky, because Hermione doesn't seem very emotionally invested in him at this point, which isn't her fault per se...she's young -- it's probably a good thing that her first boyfriend-ish type wasn't someone she was crazily in love with -- I've seen alot of people suffer from that...

but she's going to break his heart..poor boy.

And Harry has just 
>barely managed to decide that it's okay to feel good when you 
>see a pretty girl in the distance.

Very typical for kids his age, actually.  It's a new feeling for him, why shouldn't make him a little uncomfortable? I worry more about the kids who jump into the whole I-love-the-opposite-sex thing gung-ho.


>Okay, you can substitute "jaded and cynical" taste instead <g> 
>From my "mother of one grown and one teenaged male" 
perspective,  there are few  male characters besides 
>Dumbledore who don't have some growing up to do. I'd say 
>Hagrid and Sirius are close by the end of GoF. Lupin is just too 
>good to be true. Yes, he's a fabulous teacher, and in that light it's 
>very telling that Dumbledore doesn't try to persuade him to stay 
>on. I don't think Lupin's a hopeless case, mind you, but I do think 
>he let Harry down, and that realization, just possibly, might be a 
>catalyst for change.

...A little confused about what this has to do with Ron, actually..


>He invites Harry to play Quidditch when Harry is on edge  about 
>Sirius in Chapter 10, GoF. That was a very sensitive thing to do 
>(pace Hermione). We know that's what helps Harry when he's 
>anxious: "Quite apart from wanting to win, Harry found he had 
>fewer nightmares when he was tired out after training." PS/SS. 
>*Hermione* wants to go to bed, which is understandable, but 
>Harry is full of adrenaline. He has a physical  need to burn it off, 
>and Hermione just doesn't get it. 


*big grin*....

*coughs* Actually, this touches on something I've been thinking about for awhile now..(no, not sex, silly *slaps wrist*)

While usually Harry's tendency to "exorcize his demons" through physical activity is fairly healthy -- in this example it seems to be more of a case of him trying to "hide" from the issues that he is going to have to face up to sooner or later. 

It seems to me that Ron tends to affirm the emotions/behaviors that come naturally to the "weaker" Harry.  He's more the type of friends that tells you what you *want* to hear -- as opposed to what you *need* to hear (Hermione).

He doesn't ever ask much from Harry -- esp. in situations where Harry really *needs* a push in the right direction...and IMO, this tends to do more harm than good in the long run...on the other hand, of course...sometimes it *is* necessary to "run away" for awhile from the hard parts of life -- sometimes you have to quit being strong for a bit in order to survive..

Really, people generally need friends of both the Ron *and* the Hermione variety -- someone to make you feel okay about your faults and someone to push you towards your better self.

But this isn't, to me, a scene where Ron is being "comforting"..merely another example of his tendency to let Harry get away with being less-than-strong/honest/etc.

>The walk around the lake was a good thing as far as persuading 
>Harry to write to Sirius and helping him dodge the crowd. On the 
>other hand, I don't know that Hermione helped any by sticking 
>her oar into the Ron/Harry dispute. If she hadn't given Harry a 
>handy explanation for Ron's behavior, he might have been 
>motivated to find out first-hand what was on Ron's mind and they 
>could've settled their differences a lot sooner.

And you think Ron would have told him?  Very OOC, in my opinion.  Honestly, I don't think Herm made much of a difference either way...the boys were determined to be in a fight and that was that.  

No, Harry would have just gotten progressively more confused, hurt, and angry...While Ron would have felt the same way -- wondering why Harry couldn't tell/didn't care what was wrong.

And besides, what was she supposed to do?  Pretend she didn't notice?  Notice how she refused to get too involved, either. "You can tell him yourself."


>In the event, though I will admit Hermione made an effort, I don't 
>see it as particularly comforting. Afterwards, Harry feels "a large 
>weight of anxiety" and doesn't know what to do about it. 

*raises an eyebrow* being comforting isn't about "making it all go away"...It would have been very unbelievable, IMO, if Harry had suddenly felt worlds better after speaking with Hermione..I mean, one of his best friends *is* still violently not speaking to him.

Hermione did an excellent job here, IMO..she offered total support to Harry *without* withdrawing any support for Ron...See??  She balanced giving Harry what he *wanted* from her with what he *needed* from her.  Good girl. 


>I think Hermione is a wonderful girl but she's not just about 
>perfect

^_~ oh, of course she isn't...I may *joke* that she's "wonder woman" and such, but, honestly, I know she definitely has her faults...anyway, who wants to read about perfect people? How blah.


>Sometimes, IMO, Hermione is just as clueless as Ron when it 
>comes to taking the emotional temperature. As a rallying cry, 
>"You've got just as much right as wizards to be unhappy!" leaves 
>something to be desired, don't you think?

But they *do*!!!  The right to be unhappy is a big thing, in my opinion..the worst part of the elves' enslavement is, IMO, the fact that most of them seem unable to express emotions that aren't okayed by their masters...


>Why? Ron seems pretty much at peace with himself by the end 
>of GoF. He's made a decision to let go of his grudge against 
>Viktor, as shown by  asking for the autograph. 

Canon says he "looked as though he was suffering some sort of painful internal struggle." Apparently, his fan-adoration for a sports star won out over his jealousy..but that doesn't count as particularly "at peace" to me.

Plus, it doesn't beginning to make up the whole thing with the Krum doll for me...that part always made me feel *very* uneasy.. 

>He doesn't tease
Hermione about Viktor wanting a "vord". 

No, but he does urge Hermione to be quick about it, and tries to keep a close eye on her.  Not over his jealousy, after all -- personally, I think it was the events with V and Cedric that finally shocked all that petty viciousness out of him.  Good thing too.  He was starting to scare me.

>He manages a conversation and a handshake with Fleur 
>without turning purple and staring. 

I don't think JKR meant to make him seem any less affected by Fleur in this scene, actually.  She has him complimenting the girl in a "strangled voice"...still the gawping teenage boy, IMO...

>All his concern on the trip home is for Harry, 
>Hermione and his brothers. He doesn't express any envy of  
>Harry for winning the Tri-wizard gold that I can recall. I just don't 
>see this seething bundle of adolescent resentment--if anybody 
>embodies that, it's Draco.

You're right..again, I think the events after the 3rd task sort of gave him a good kick in the shins, if you know what I mean.  

laura


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