TBAY: Minerva McGonagall Is Ever So Evil!

[porphyria_ash]

No: HPFGUIDX 39528

Porphyria is puttering around Diana's castle, working the decor up to 
that perfect Gothic-chic pitch. She surveys the drawing room: squashy 
chairs and plunging draperies kitted out in porphyrian purple velvet, 
silver Baroque incensers puffing cheerily from the far corners of the 
room, leather-bound spines of _The Complete Works of Immanuel Kant_ 
gleaming in the light of the wrought iron candelabra. Yup, she likes 
what she's done with the place. 

Suddenly, an owl knocks at the leaded-glass window with a message 
tied to its leg. Porphyria bustles across the arabesque-patterned 
Persian rug to the immense marble sill, lets in the owl and unties 
the note. It's a transcript from a conversation between Elkins and 
Cindy who've been flushing hedgehogs from the nearby forest. Elkins 
has spotted something odd, something much like a -- Cheshire 
Hedgehog? Or is it perhaps something more properly feline.... Her 
missive concludes:

<<
Minerva McGonagall.

Foreshadowed As Ever So Evil From The Very First Chapter Of The Very 
First Book.
>>

Porphyria is overjoyed and promptly pours a long draught of Lavavulin 
into a cut-crystal tumbler to celebrate. She clutches her OFH badge 
to her heart. Finally someone has heard her Cassandra-like warning 
about Ever So Evil Minerva. And has expanded it spectacularly. And 
not just Elkins, as it turns out. Two more owls flutter in the open 
window. 

Cindy's says: 

<<
Yeah, I should have listened to Porphyria when she first started 
knocking back that Kool-Aid and told me straight up that McGonagall 
was Ever So Evil. I didn't *want* to believe, that's what it was. 
I feel like such a *sucker*!
>>

Thank you Cindy, you have seen the truth! Now I am vindicated!

And even second-time poster Wynnde has contributed her own evidence, 
remarking: 

<<
If she is really Ever So Evil, then that explains the apparent 
lameness - she's just pretending to be mostly useless to lull 
everyone into a false sense of security.
>>

Oh yes, this is the only explanation I'm afraid. Someone give Wynnde 
a Flying Hedgehog badge. I mean really, McGonagall is supposed to be 
an important character, isn't she? She's the Deputy Headmistress, 
she's the kids' Head of House, they take her classes every year, she 
leads the Sorting. So why is shy so boring? Why does she not normally 
inspire any speculation? Because she's not supposed to, that's why. 
She's the last one we suspect. 

OK, eager to not leave even the merest grain of sand unturned, I'll 
add a few more of my own:

In PS/SS when McGonagall catches Harry and Co. coming back from 
rescuing Norbert, she takes 150 points off of Gryffindor and gives 
everyone a detention. Isn't that a little excessive for her own 
house? Well, she's supposed to be stern-but-fair, right? Right? This 
is the same woman who has just given Harry that massive Get-Out-Of-
Jail-Free card after his stunt in Flying class: a new, expensive 
broom, a prohibited-to-first-years seat on the Quiddtich team, and 
*no* punishment whatsoever for disobeying Hooch. Hmm, I'd say she can 
be Stern-but-Unfair when it suits her agenda, like getting Harry on a 
broom where Quirrell can get to him. 

So perhaps this spate of detentions has a hidden agenda too, maybe 
she was just waiting for her chance to send Harry on a fool's 
mission. After all, what do those kids wind up doing to work off 
their punishment? Yup, they go straight to the forbidden forest. Now, 
I wonder who engineered that one? If she was in league with Quirrell 
then she could have anticipated the deaths of the unicorns. Maybe she 
just waited for Hagrid to complain about it and suggested the perfect 
way for the kids to spend their detention. After all, Hagrid is 
pretty easily led. And he doesn't understand the danger that the 
Forest possesses, much less that it's a parasitic Lord Voldemort 
slurping unicorn blood. With Harry protected only by the unsuspecting 
Hagrid, he would be easy pickins. Major setup. If only Firenze hadn't 
foiled her plan. 

Hmm, what else? Ah yes, in GoF, it's McGonagall that catches Moody 
ferret-bouncing young Malfoy. And she's shocked. Well, of course 
she's shocked. But not for Draco's sake. Minerva isn't afraid to yank 
the little brat around by the ear herself, or send him into the 
Forbidden Forest, but what's Moody doing here? That's right, he's 
blowing his cover. Or about to. In a big, ugly way. 

<<
"Moody, we never use Transfiguration as a punishment!" said Professor 
McGonagall weakly.

"Surely Professor Dumbledore told you that?"
>>

See, if she's evil then she's been maintaining a brilliant deep cover 
for many years. She knows how to be subtle and misleading. She's good 
at it. But show-off Barty? He could ruin everything with this one. 
She sets him straight in no uncertain terms. 

And now for the extra-canonical sources that must not be named. 
Porphyria glances nervously in the direction of Elkins who has 
brilliantly determined this type of thing to be irrelevant, but 
Porphyria just can't resist. This is TBAY, after all. She settles 
into the carved ebony writing desk in the castle drawing room and 
gathers up the transcripts from two JRK chats:

***

(1) http://www.scholastic.com/harrypotter/author/transcript2.htm

Q: Is there something more to the cats appearing in the books than 
first meets the eye? (i.e. Mrs. Figg's cats, Crookshanks, Prof. 
McGonagall as a cat, etc.)

A: Ooooo, another good question. Let's see what I can tell you 
without giving anything away....erm....no, can't do it, sorry.

***

(2 )http://www.comicrelief.com/harrysbooks/pages/transcript3.shtml
Q: What or who would you send into Room 101? 

A: Cats - I don't like them and certain journalists.

***

She doesn't like cats. She'd send them to Room 101. Scary. She must 
really hate them. And she certainly seems to have a cat-flavored plot 
complication in mind. So why is the formidable Minerva McGonagall a 
cat in animaga form? What does that say about her nature? If I were a 
cat hater (which I am firmly not) I'd say she might be sneaky, wily, 
blood-thirsty, shrewdly seductive and working entirely for herself. 
Herself and Tom, that is. Very suspicious indeed. 

~~Porphyria, wondering if Diana would permit an Evil!McGonagall 
gazebo at the far end of the castle garden.