Dumbledore's Death (TBAY) (WAS Dumbledore's dispensibility)

[cindysphynx]

No: HPFGUIDX 39610

An owl arrives on the deck of the Big Bang and drops a parchment 
into the Captain's lap.  This is highly unusual, as most owls keep a 
safe distance from her oversized FEATHERBOAs.

The Captain snatches up the parchment.  Why, it's an invitation!  
How festive!  The Captain is rarely invited to social functions, 
what with the many *restraining orders* entered against her.  And 
this event sounds like real *fun*!  Early morning drinking in the 
local tavern with a genuine Theory Bay celebrity –- George, on shore 
leave from LOLLIPOPS.  

The Captain apparates into the Dead Flamingo Bar, where a young man 
is deep in conversation with a striking and clever young woman.  The 
bartender mops the counter in front of the Captain.  "What'll it be, 
ma'am?"  He hesitates.  "It is 'ma'am', isn't it?" 

"Water," the Captain barks.

"How do you take that water?  We have Perrier, Pellegrino and Evian."

The Captain narrows her eyes.  "Boil it!" she hisses.

The bartender slips his hand into an oven mitt and passes her a 
goblet brimming with the scalding liquid.  The Captain gulps it in 
one, slams the goblet to the counter, and wheels around to confront 
George.

The empty goblet is still smoking.

"I couldn't help but overhear your conversation," the Captain says 
in a low voice.  "And I have to tell you – and don't take this the 
wrong way or anything – but you don't seem to be putting your heart 
into your Banging.  I find myself wondering whether you even 
*believe* in Banging, to be honest with you, George.  I mean, it 
sounds like you'd prefer Dumbledore's death to be something out of a 
Sunday night movie of the week or something.  

"That is so *wrong*.  The Old Mentor *has* to die in a certain way.  
He has to die doing something heroic for others *and* he should make 
eye contact with his young protégé before he makes the ultimate 
sacrifice.  He is not supposed to just languish in the hospital 
while others do the dirty work."

George gulps the last of his martini and beckons for another one.  
"But," he says, "what about precedents in other texts. Remember Luke 
Skywalker coming back to complete his Jedi training and finding Yoda 
dying of -- you guessed it -- old age? There wasn't a dry eye in the 
house, I tell you--"

"Look," the Captain broke in, "Let's get a few things straight right 
now.  In Star Trek II, 'The Wrath of Khan', Spock dies, and it is 
*gut-wrenching*.  He does *not* die of natural causes.  He dies 
fixing the engines so the rest of the crew can warp their way out of 
the range of Khan's photon torpedoes, OK?  In the original Star Wars 
movies, Obi Wan does not quietly expire in his sleep.  He is in a 
wicked laser battle with Darth Vader, and he throws the fight.  In 
the LoTR movie, Ian McClellan plunges to his death off of a rickety 
catwalk into a river of lava so that those other weird people can 
survive.  So that's *it*, OK.  Old Mentor types must die doing 
something *heroic*."

"But what about Jane Au–"

"Shhhhh!"  The Captain presses a finger to George's lips.  "I will 
not consider any other parallels.  I do not wish to hear more about 
Jane Austin, OK?  Or Narnia.  Or that newfangled Star Trek.  Or that 
hideous Star Wars prequel.  I haven't seen *any* of that stuff, so 
it didn't happen, OK?"  

George leans forward in his chair, deciding to fight 
back.  "But . . . but JKR creates tension and drama all the time 
without Banging.  Need I remind you that the big exciting climax of 
PoA consisted of a bunch of guys standing in a room yelling 
exposition at each other -- yet it's one of the most memorable and 
oft-discussed passages in all the books."

"Do you go to the movies, George?" the Captain asks.

"Wh -- what?" he stammers.

"You heard me.  Do you go to the movies?  You know, cinema, film, 
motion pictures?  You remember the climax from the Oscar-winning 
epic 'Memory Charm Symposium', don't you?  Where the Elkins 
character explains all about proper Banging?  Does that ring any 
bells?"

George shakes his head slowly.

"Well, as chance would have it, it is playing on the large-screen TV 
in the bar *right now*.  And pay attention, George, because this is 
*important*!"
  
***************
Elkins in Message 39,033:

"This is the Great and Powerful Captain Cindy's idea of 
an Exciting Cinematic Moment?" 

"*Dialogue?*"

"Dialogue. A conversation. A *Confessional.* A 'This Time, On 
Oprah' moment. Ooooooh," Elkins simpers in a high nasty 
falsetto. "Will Neville and Harry talk about their 
*feeeeeeeeeeeelings,* Cindy? Will Harry go and make Neville a nice
comforting cup of *tea?* Hand him a *hankie,* perhaps? Tell 
him, 'Oh, Neville, how I feel your pain? For I, too, come from a 
tragically-broken home, and I too have never known the comfort and 
support of a warm and loving family?' And then, maybe once they're 
done with all of that *delving,* they can share a Great Big Hug? And 
then go on to talk about which *girls* they like, perhaps?"

"Pah!" spits Elkins. "Pah! That's not *Bang,* Cindy. That's *girl 
stuff!* It's a chick flick! It's an after-school special! It's a 
soap opera! It's a Kaffee Klatsch! It is just plain *Weak,* is what 
it is. It. Is. A. DUD!"

*************

"Whoa!" George exclaimed, his eyes wide.  "That was *intense*!  I 
really *felt* that!"

The Captain scowled.  "You're missing the *point*.  The point is 
that dialogue is a *Dud*.  Dialogue can be Bangy *as dialogue goes*, 
but it can *never* carry a hugely important plot twist.  The Bang in 
the Shrieking Shack wasn't the dialogue.  No way.  It was the 
*suspense*.  It was the description.  It was the shock of realizing 
that the reader had been *had* on a number of levels.  We learned 
Sirius wasn't Evil, he was innocent.  Lupin wasn't Evil, but he was 
a monster.  The Shrieking Shack wasn't haunted, it was a werewolf 
sanctuary.  Peter was alive and was Ron's Pet.  And most 
importantly, we learn that Snape is a *screw-up*!  

"In fact," the Captain says, her voice rising, "when people around 
here criticize the Shrieking Shack scene, do you know what they 
complain about, George?  The dialogue!  Did you know that?  PoA is 
on the big-screen TV now, and just *listen* to some of this dialogue:

**************

"Not at all, Padfoot, old friend," said Lupin, who was now rolling 
up his sleeves.  "And will you, in turn, forgive me for believing 
you were the spy?"

"THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE DIED!" roared Black.  "DIED RATHER THAN BETRAY 
YOUR FRIENDS, AS WE WOULD HAVE DONE FOR YOU!"

****************

"Elkins may be onto something there, George," the Captain 
says.  "Dialogue is important.  Bad dialogue can get in the way -- 
it can *ruin* fiction.  But dialogue can't *create* explosive 
fiction -- a true monster Bang.  Not when the underlying Bangy 
events aren't there to make the dialogue matter.  And watching 
Dumbledore lie there, wearing robes that open in the back, his 
twinkle growing ever more dim, is totally *Dud-worthy*."

George spits his olive pit into his martini glass and fixes the 
Captain with an insolent stare.  

"I'm not convinced," he says. "Bangs are nothing but cheap thrills. 
*True* emotional impact doesn't come from fights and explosions and 
violence. After all, what do people remember most about Cedric 
Diggory's death? Is it Wormtail casting AK? No. It's Voldemort 
coldly hissing 'Kill the spare.' That one line of dialogue has more 
impact than a hundred catwalk fights over rivers of lava. Jo 
understands this. Jo does not do cheap thrills."

The Captain rises from her seat, her palms flat against the 
table.  "George," she hisses.  "The Bang in Cedric's death wasn't 
Wormtail's one line of dialogue.  It was the *action* and the 
*description of the aftermath*!  Harry is in intense pain, he can't 
see, he is almost physically sick, his friend crashes to the ground, 
spread-eagled.

"If anything, Cedric's death in the graveyard proves that JKR is 
*never* going to look to the grieving over Dumbledore's demise as 
the source of a Bang.  She gives Harry *no time at all* to grieve 
for Cedric.  No, she moves right on to the action:  "And then, 
before Harry's mind had accepted what he was seeing, before he could 
feel anything but numb disbelief, he felt himself being pulled to 
his feet."  Does Harry have time to cradle Cedric's head and weep?  
No way!  JKR gives Harry exactly *two sentences* to take in Cedric's 
death before she moves right on to having Wormtail cut off his own 
hand."  

The waitress arrives with the check, groping her pockets in search 
of a pen.  The Captain squints at her name badge: "Jenny From 
Ravensclaw."  Jenny scribbles something onto her pad, passed it to 
the Captain, and hurries off without waiting for her tip.

The Captain opens Jenny's note:

"Then why all the references to his age in GoF?"

George peers over the Captain's shoulder.  "Well, what about that, 
then?"

"Consider it a FLINT-avoidance maneuver," the Captain says 
easily.  "Dumbledore is supposed to be more powerful than anyone in 
the entire series.  McGonagall says, "Everyone knows you're the only 
one You-Know-oh, all right, *Voldemort*, was frightened of."  
Dumbledore defeated Grindewald.  Dumbledore could be the Minister of 
Magic but chooses not to.  Dumbledore is too noble to use the powers 
Voldemort has, but Dumbledore sure has them.

"So what is JKR to do with all *that*?  Well, she has to *weaken* 
Dumbledore before she can credibly kill him, doesn't she?  She has 
to show him becoming weary, worn down, weak.  That way, when someone 
pushes Dumbledore off of a rickety catwalk into a river of lava, the 
reader will *believe it* and won't cry out, 'But wait!  Dumbledore 
is too *powerful* for that to work!'  

"Yeah, Dumbledore is fading all right, but he won't fade straight to 
the grave.  He's going to get a push from someone – hopefully from a 
close and trusted friend."  The Captain leans forward, her nose 
inches from George's trembling lips.  "Bang!" she whispers.

Just then, a young girl approaches timidly, clutching an autograph 
book to her chest.  She presses a pen into George's hands and asks 
him to write a note -- "to Katherine".  Kissing him softly on the 
cheek, she mumbles something that the Captain can barely make out:

"Dumbledore dying of natural causes *can* be Bangy. If JKR does it 
well, it can even be more Bangy than anything involving lava and a 
catwalk. It just happens that lava and a catwalk happen to be easier 
to make Bangy than natural causes."

George flashes her a sly smile and scribbles something in the 
autograph book.  "The best Bangs are the easy Bangs," it reads.

**************
Cindy

***************

For an explanation of the acronyms and theories in this post, visit
Hypothetic Alley at 
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HPforGrownups/files/Admin20Files/hypoth
eticalley.htm 

and Inish Alley at 
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HPforGrownups/database?
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