Sirius Black Is Ever So Evil (WAS:Re: TBAY: Another Flying Hedgehog)

[charisjulia]

No: HPFGUIDX 39636

Having at last accepted that PTSD!Neville is actually a no—starter 
(though doing her best to avoid admitting it) Charis Julia silently 
heaves herself out of  the MACHINGARMCHAIR paddleboot and tiptoes 
away over the sand while the rest of the crew's backs are turned. 
Maybe she can come back some other time when that whole embarrassing 
story is well and truly forgotten and pretend that she's a new 
recruit or something.

As she wanders rather aimlessly down the beach a sound of girlish 
laughter reaches her ears. Who's that? Her curiosity peaking Charis 
rounds the corner and come across two women gleefully hurdling a 
rather underfed hedgehog with a pronounced deadened look in its eyes 
(or is that merely the result of being flung around so violently?) at 
each other. Before she can even begin wondering how on earth Dicentra 
started playing with * that* hedgehog, Charis notices another 
bystander.

Eloise is shaking her head sorrowfully. Charis walks over. "Hey, 
Eloise, what's up? Oh, I say Eloise, exactly what are those two 
playing at?"

Eloise frowns. "Well, not sure actually. It seemed to start off as 
volleyball, but now I think Cindy's attempting to switch to cricket." 
Charis witnesses Cindy spin—bowl the Black hedgehog towards a most 
remarkable wicket, whose stumps have apparently been rearranged to 
spell out the words MRS LESTRANGE.

Charis snorts. "Huh. Well, that theory's * out*. Bowled c.b.w. (canon 
before wicket). Even Sirius knows that. And he only plays Quidditch."
 
GoF, Padfoot Returns: "That was the last time I saw Barty Crouch, 
half carrying his wife past my cell."

Fudge backs this up in PoA, Thae Marauder's Map: ". . . he was one of 
the most heavily guarded in the place you know. Dementor's outside 
his door, day and night."

So there you go. There are cells at Azkaban and sounds to me like 
Sirius had one all to himself: "my cell", "his door". No, "our"s 
or "their"s mentioned. And it does make sense doesn't it? That 
prisoners should be kept in individual cells? Solitary confinement, 
best way to make sure that whatever none depressive thoughts might 
have escaped the Dementors won't be keeping anyone's moral up. So Mrs 
Lestrange would have had a hard time even communicating with Sirius, 
let alone turning on the charm for him or recruiting him to the Dark 
Side. And anyway Fudge tells us: "You know, most of the prisoners in 
there sit muttering to themselves in the dark, there's no sense in 
them. . ." Doesn't sound to me much like anyone in there is up to 
much cunning sucking up to ex—enemies. As for earning respect. . . 
Well, if Sirius had been at the Trial things might be different. . . 
But slumped up to a slimy wall sucking her thumb while spittle 
dribbles freely down her chin isn't going to get Mrs Lestrange 
*anyone's * admiration easily I'd say. Especially not somebody's 
who's in such good shape they can actually * ask for used 
newspapers*! Nah," Charis finishes off as the hedgehog flies through 
the air and lands right in her open arms, "I'm keeping Mrs Lestrange 
for Pettigrew, thank you very much."

"Besides, Eloise is right. This is croquet. And everyone knows what's 
the absolute necessity in order play croquet, don't they?" 

Flamingos of course! Ah, yes, thank you Cindy," Charis gracefully 
accepts the one handed to her. "But something's wrong here, wouldn't 
you say? Something with the colour plan. . . This is pink when what 
we really need. . ." (Charis glances up at the Black hedgehog and 
then back at the flamingo) "is. . .is. . .green! Yes. Cabbage green." 
Charis whips out a can of paint and ducks the bird in humming to 
herself. (* We're painting flamingos green, we're painting flamingos 
green. . .*) "And then just one more minor alteration in the 
decorations. . ." Handling her flamingo as if it were a wand she 
points it straight at the wicket, which that promptly redesigns 
itself to form the name ARABELLA FIGG. Charis steps back to admire 
her handiwork. "Ah yes. Better. Much better."
 
*       *      *

Some weeks ago Cindy proposed her brilliant Pillow Talk idea. 
Unfortunately this obvious stroke of genius was unappreciated and 
eventually discharged. Now, however I move for its re—examination. 


According to Pillow Talk, Sirius upon his escape from (the cells of) 
Azkaban went straight to his old flame Arabella Figg in order to 
catch up on the latest in the Wizarding World. Several objections 
where proposed against this theory, of which unfortunately I now only 
remember my own: If Arabella knew that Sirius was innocent and had 
heard his Pettigrew story why didn't she take matters into her own 
hands? Why didn't she simply pay the Weasleys a friendly visit and 
ask to see their rat? Much simpler than letting Sirius mess 
everything up in his usual fashion really. 

I now know the answer to this question. And no, it is not, as I then 
naively proposed, that Arabella simply did not know. Matters are much 
more sinister than that: Arabella Figg Is Ever So Evil.

And Sirius Black too. They Are Both Ever So Evil. And not only post—
Voldemort's fall either. Since Always. 

Yes, exactly. Of course.

Who is Arabella Figg anyway? If she's a Mrs now, what was her maiden 
name? Don't know? No idea whatsoever? Well, here's a hint: Albus, 
Aberforth, Algie (as someone recently proposed) aaaaaand. . . that's 
right! Arabella! Arabella Dumbledore. Ooh, even the sound of it is 
right! Yes. That's why Albus trusts her so explicitly. That's why he 
gave her the all-important job of watching over Harry. That's why he 
wants her alerted at once after Voldemort's rebirth.

But is Dumbledore right to trust so unquestioningly in his darling 
little sis'? Oh, I wouldn't be so sure about that. . .Not sure at 
all. . .

You see, well, Aberforth, well, he can't even read, can he? And 
Algie? He's a nutcase if I ever saw one. But Arabella? She must 
obviously be talented. Otherwise she could not have been one of the 
Crowd, could she? And so, of course, she's jealous.

I mean, why does Albie get to hog all the glory anyway? Since when 
does he get off being the greatest wizard in the world? The one that 
defeats Grindewald and even Voldemort fears? Fear Albus, ha! That's a 
laugh! But it was always that way. . .Their parents were so proud of 
him. "Albus this and Albus that!" What about Arabella, huh? But now, 
now its * her* turn! She'll show everyone! Won't they regret the way 
they treated her when she's the Supreme Ruler of the Universe? `Cos 
that's her plan naturally. That's why she hooked up with the grandson 
of the Terrible Grindelwald.

Dicentra's looking interested. "You mean Sirius's grandfather really 
* was* Grindelwald? Sirius really * is* the offspring of the 
unfortunate Andromeda Grindelwald Black? He really * is* after his 
own version of world domination? With himself in charge? Niiiice!"

Charis nods her head sorrowfully. "Yes, of course. All for the sake 
of his darling dead mother who's life was so abruptly cut off and 
who's memory has been so slanderously blemished. He is the protector 
of the Pack after all. It's just that the pack isn't comprised quite 
as we had initially imagined."

Dicentra nods fervently. All this is her baby after all. Eloise is 
merely looking politely curious. But Cindy is downright 
mistrustful. "Look, I'm not buying none of this  Sirius Was Seriously 
Evil All Along hogwash. He * was* the Potters' friend, he * did* hate 
Pettigrew!" 

Charis looks at Cindy in mild surprise. "Well, of course! I don't 
presume to propose that opposite. He still liked the Potters well 
enough. They didn't mess with his plans for ruling the universe in 
any way. And after all Black's not with Voldemort, is he? And 
Voldemort's the one who killed Lily and James, right?"


Or is he. . .?


Charis Julia, who is not at all sure about a thing she just wrote, 
but always * has* though McGonagall is not good news.