The Ballad of Trevor Toad (a TOADKEEPER filk)

[coriolan_cmc2001]

No: HPFGUIDX 39866

--- In HPforGrownups at y..., "Tabouli" <tabouli at u...> wrote:
  Trevor is a toad of treachery, and Neville is none other than the 
TOADKEEPER (The Odious Amphibian: Death-eater Knavishly Executing 
Espionage, Pursuing Evil Revenge).

I am delighted to see that Trevor Toad is doing rather well in 
new "Hidden Evil" poll. I hope the following ballad will help 
popularize the TOADKEEPER theory by supplying both motivation and 
means for his (putuative) dastardly deeds. 

The Ballad of Trevor Toad

(To the tune of The Ballad of Sweeney Todd, from Sondheim's Sweeney 
Todd)

Dedicated (of course) to Tabouli

You can hear several 30-second excerpts of this ballad at:

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B000002W4L/qid=1024086221/sr=8-
4/ref=sr_8_4/103-6603494-7532658

and a MIDI at:

http://www.broadwaymidi.com/shows/sweeney_todd.html

THE SCENE: The Chamber of Secrets, bathed in darkness. Enter TOM 
RIDDLE

RIDDLE
Attend the tale of Trevor Toad
He took a dark and wicked road
He allied himself with Neville L.
And guided that child then straight down to Hell
Did Trevor 
Did Trevor Toad
The Demon Wart-Toad of Hogwarts

Enter LUCIUS MALFOY

MALFOY
They all said hop-toads were unchic
They were not sold in posh boutiques
So Trevor swore that they'd all pay
And everyone rued until their dying day
They'd ever
Grieved Trevor Toad
The Demon Wart-Toad of Hogwarts

(Light suddenly floods the Chamber revealing a CHORUS OF DEATH EATERS)

CHORUS
Zap your bug tongue fast, Trevor!
Gobble all the flies!
Spring your plot and that whole lot
Soon will demise!

RIDDLE
He may be an amphibian
But he belongs in Azkaban
For no Dark Lord was ever as bad
And no evil wizard was as hopping mad 
As Trevor
As Trevor Toad
The Demon Wart-Toad of Hogwarts

SEMI-CHORUS I
Neville thinks that Trevor is lost
He doesn't know he's been double-crossed
Trevor's in gear, Trevor is pumping
Trevor will get the whole joint jumping

SEMI-CHORUS II
Trevor knows how to avoid each FLINT 
Trevor isn't made of peppermint
Trevor is hatching, Trevor is nesting
Eggs are of chicken, do you get the rest- ing?

RIDDLE, MALFOY, & FULL CHORUS 
Trevor is hatching, Trevor is nesting
Eggs are of chicken, do you get the rest- ing?
Neville thinks that Trevor is lost
He doesn't know he's been double-crossed

By Trevor! 
Trevor! 
Trevor! 
Treeeee-vooooor!

(Enter TREVOR TOAD on a motorcycle, with a basilisk in the sidecar)

TREVOR (stepping forward, removing his goggles)
Attend the tale of Trevor Toad
He hatched an egg that growed and growed
To seek revenge can be a risk
But not too great when you have a basilisk
Like Trevor 

TREVOR & CHORUS
Like Trevor Toad
The Demon Wart-Toad of Hogwarts!

(Trevor imperiously dispatches his minions to execute their assigned 
dark deeds)

   - CMC

HARRY POTTER FILKS 
http://home.att.net/~coriolan/hpfilks.htm 

Note: If the ending seems unclear, consult CoS or Fantastic Beasts on 
the breeding of basilisks. And remember another toad from Wind in the 
Willows