More on Parenting Styles (Ron / Molly)

[elfundeb]

No: HPFGUIDX 36027

--- In HPforGrownups at y..., "lucky_kari" <lucky_kari at y...> wrote:
> --- In HPforGrownups at y..., "catlady_de_los_angeles" <catlady at w...> 
> wrote:
> > Yes! There are certain things in Book 1 that troubled me the 
first 
> > time I read it and every time since.  "She always forgets I don't 
> > like corned beef." 
> > 
> > Adrienne goddessa replied to Debbie (me): 
> > 
> > > With seven kids... I'm not too surprised. Can you imagine 
keeping 
> > > track of all the different favorite colors, favorite foods, 
> > > favorite whatevers?
> > 
Catlady again (I think):

> > Those kids are her JOB, she should know them as well as 
> I 
> > know the databases of the system that I support at MY job. 
> 
Eileen replied:

> I have to admit that these remarks and many others that have 
> characterized this exchange have really, really bothered me. I had 
to 
> think hard why this would be so, but in the end, I think it really 
> comes down to, once again, people's preference for parenting styles.
> 
> It would never have occurred to me that parents should know their 
> kids' favourite colours. 
> 
> And it makes me very mad somehow that people would think that this 
> way of bringing up children is wrong, something that Mrs. Weasley 
> really should examine her conscience for, and beg Ron's pardon 
about.
> 
> > 
My comments on Mrs. Weasley's parenting, from whence this discussion 
sprang were not intended as an overall indictment of her parenting 
skills but rather to point out that Ron gets lost in the shuffle and 
does not get the kind of attention we see her paying to her other 
children and to Harry.  Some of the other posters have commented that 
she seems to adapt her style to the different needs of Percy and the 
twins, but I don't get the feeling that she has time to focus on Ron 
enough to know what he needs (and we know what does not motivate Ron 
is reminders of how much more successful his brothers were, but her 
treatment of Percy does exactly that).  That Molly supplies Ron with 
maroon clothing that he hates is, to me, just one small indicator 
that she doesn't know him as well as her other children.  (This 
bothers me more than the sandwiches, which can be attributed to 
corned beef being the only thing on hand, the chaos of sending four 
children off to school -- there's enough chaos at my house getting 
two children off to school for a day, not an entire term, etc.) 

It's the apparent lack of attention that troubles me, and therefore 
it troubles me more that she lavishes attention on the famous Harry 
Potter, even though it's natural for her to reach out to Harry, who 
really needs some mothering, and it's also evident from what she does 
for Harry at the end of GoF that one of her strengths is her ability 
to provide comfort to a troubled child (probably an adult as well).  
We also see hints of this in comments such as Ron's where he offers 
to make Hagrid tea (I believe this is in PoA when he's upset over 
Buckbeak) because "it's what my Mum does."  But I'm concerned that 
Ron isn't getting what he needs from Molly and it could create 
problems.

I think Ron needs more support from Molly of the kind that Harry 
gets.  In particular, what I think Ron needs, more than his favorite 
sandwich or non-maroon clothes, is encouragement.  He needs to be 
told that he's not a failure if he's not Head Boy or Quidditch 
Captain or a joke shop entrepreneur.  What he doesn't need is for 
Molly to make pointed comments about how there won't be any more Head 
Boys in the family after Percy.

Moreover, Ron needs to be taken seriously by somebody-- anybody.  GoF 
is full of subtle put-downs of Ron by various other characters as 
well.  Just to name a few:  At the World Cup, Ron asks why the Death-
Eaters weren't pleased to see the Dark Mark, and Bill responds "Use 
your brains, Ron."  I don't think his question was silly at all.  
Later on, Sirius gives Hermione great credit for associating Crouch 
Sr.'s treatment of Winky with his true character at Ron's expense 
("She's got the measure of Crouch better than you have, Ron"), but I 
think Ron was right that Hermione's entire focus was on elf rights, 
not Crouch Sr.'s character, since she didn't have the insight to 
realize that Crouch Sr. would not have mercy on his son.  And of 
course there's Moody/Crouch, who anointed everyone as Auror prospects 
except for Ron, who by this time is becoming desperate to throw out 
one idea, any idea, that will be treated with the respect that Harry 
and Hermione receive as a matter of course.  All of these episodes 
just feed Ron's inferiority complex.  In fact, I wonder if adult 
readers who are less than enamored of Ron are influenced by the 
relative respect each member of the Trio receives from others.  (I 
don't want to denigrate either Harry or Hermione here, both of whom 
deserve the respect they receive, but they have faults too, and 
they're not always right [for support see the Crookshanks and Binky 
debates], but they get so many good vibes from the adult characters 
that it's tempting to give full credit to their assessments.)

Of course, it's always possible that JKR is so focused on Harry that 
she ignores Ron.  That's the only explanation I have for Bill's 
saying goodbye only to Mrs. Weasley and Harry at the end of GoF 
before going off to alert Arthur.

Debbie, who has a 7-year-old Ron-clone at home and therefore cannot 
possibly dislike Ron, frustrating as he can be at times, and 
therefore feels compelled to mother him and/or defend him, as 
necessary, relying on others to provide the negative feedback