[HPforGrownups] More on Parenting Styles

[Bernadette M. Crumb]

No: HPFGUIDX 36055

JO Serenadust wrote:

(SNIP)
> It occurs to me in this discussion that nearly everyone is
looking
> at the Molly/Ron corned beef/maroon discussion from the point
of
> view of the child, and not a parent of multiple school-age
children.
> Not to say that the posters themselves are children but just
saying
> that they don't seem to have any personal experience with
bringing
> up children in this age-range (if I'm wrong about this, please
let
> me know).

Mom of five kids speaking here (and I'm new so if I say something
that's been covered to death, it's because I haven't had the time
to go back and read the old posts very much yet.  I'm just
snatching a minute to check email before heading off to deliver
kids to various activities and getting back to the never ending
housework!).

> Having left a fairly substantial professional career in order
to
> bring up 2 kids (now 11 and 13), it's really a high priority to
me
> that I *get it right* as much as humanly possible.  This *is*
my job
> now.  Even so, more than once my kids have come home from
school
> telling me pointedly that I mixed up their sandwiches AGAIN.
Yes, I
> know which one likes pb&j and which one likes ham & cheese, but
> somehow in the morning chaos with permission slips and bakesale
> money and band instruments,I screw it up.

And it gets worse the more children you have.  I don't believe
that Molly is being deliberately obtuse about Ron's likes and
dislikes, any more than I am being deliberately obtuse when I
send rice krispie treats in to school by mistake with my son who
hates marshmallows.

> Now considering that Molly has 4 of them (in PS/SS) to do
laundry
> for, pack for, and get to the train station on time, is it
> indicative of an indifferent mother to give Ron the wrong
sandwiches?
> (I had visions of Percy groaning over Ron's egg salad, which
wound
> up in his pack)

LOL!  So I'm not the only one who wondered if Ron's sandwiches
ended up with one of his brothers...

>No one has mentioned that when she sends them off in
> PofA (with Ginny, Harry, & Hermione, too) she *does* remember
that
> Ron doesn't like corned beef.  IMO she's just a loving, caring,
> overworked, underpaid mother who loves all her kids equally,
(even
> if differently) and she gets the important stuff right.
> Are there any other mothers out there wishing to weigh in on
this?

I think what a lot of us are overlooking is that Rowlings has had
the guts to write a "good" mom who isn't perfect.  Most of us
"good" moms aren't perfect in this life.  It would have been
awfully easy for her to have made Molly the Martha Stewart of the
Potterverse, instead of having flaws just like a real person.

>From Harry's perspective, Molly is the perfect parent, because
he's never had anything like the consideration that she gives to
her family automatically because she loves them.  He may also be
perceiving in her the traits that he dreams his own mother would
have had, if she had survived.

>From the mom perspective, I feel that a lot of Molly's treatment
of Harry comes from a combination of pity and horror for his
"home" situation, and some celebrity worship .I mean, look how
she is about Gilderoy Lockhart in HPCS... I wouldn't necessarily
call it a crush on the guy--or rather, his image--but she doesn't
react to him like she would to any other "ordinary" wizard.
Thus, the same thing that changes her behavior in regards to
Lockhart issues, could also be the same thing behind her special
treatment of Harry.  Harry never wanted to be a celebrity--all he
ever wanted was to be accepted as an ordinary person.  Molly
treats him more like an ordinary person than any of the Muggles
in his life, but she still treats him like a celebrity as well.
I also think that she may not even realize that she _is_ treating
Harry as if he's a celebrity.

Bernadette
--who wishes that she could use magic to clean the kitchen and
give her more time to play with the baby!