FILK: Brush Up Your Curses

[marinafrants]

No: HPFGUIDX 36736

Brush Up Your Curses
To the tune of "Brush Up Your Shakespeare" by Cole Porter, from "Kiss
Me Kate"

SCENE: a remote hillside, during the early days of Voldemort's first
rise to power.  Concerned that his Death Eaters are not wreaking
enough havoc, the Dark Lord summons them and delivers a lecture on
proper terror techniques.

VOLDEMORT:
-intro-
The good guys in our society
Are starting to lack timidity.
To impress them, it's not enough (you'll find)
To cast a Stun or Full Body-Bind.
You'll find that things go from bad to worse
If you merely manage a Leg-Locker curse.
They'll continue to harry and hound and harm us
If you hit them with Expelliarmus.
So the spells which you must learn,
Which allow for no repentance,
Are the spells with which you earn
An Azkaban life sentence!

-refrain-
Brush up your curses,
Start casting them quick.
Brush up your curses,
Figure out what makes them tick.
If some Aurors are coming to swat us,
Give 'em hell with a swell Cruciatus.
Whenever your situation gets serious,
Save yourself with a touch of Imperius.
Turn your enemies cold and cadav'rous
With a well-cast Avada Kedavra.
Brush up your curses,
They will do the trick!

Brush up your curses,
Start casting them quick.
Brush up your curses,
Figure out what makes them tick.
You'll be swell, yes, you'll be fine and dandy
If you've got Unforgivables handy.
Learn the right bits of doggerel in Latin
And your enemies soon you'll be swattin'.
There is nothing more thoroughly frightenin'
Than that two words and a flash of green lightnin'.
Brush up your curses,
They will do the trick!

Brush up your curses,
Start casting them quick.
Brush up your curses,
Figure out what makes them tick.
I must warn you, my temper it vexes
When my underlings cast puny hexes.
Our reputation will go out the window
If the best we can cast is Diffindo.
And I tell you, I don't want to see ya
Fool around with the Serpensortia.
Brush up your curses,
They will do the trick!

Brush up your curses,
Start casting them quick.
Brush up your curses,
Figure out what makes them tick.
Just Imperio the enemy factions
And they'll soon learn to follow instructions.
If to answer your questions they're failin',
Crucio them until they start wailin'.
If some good guys have ruined your fun day,
Just AK them six ways from next Sunday.
Brush up your curses,
They will do the trick!

Brush up your curses,
Start casting them quick.
Brush up your curses,
Figure out what makes them tick.
Now go out there and visit some horrors
On some Muggles and Mudbloods and Aurors.
Brush up your curses,
They will do the trick!

Marina
rusalka at ix.netcom.com