SHIP: Hermione and Ron (was Ron splitting with Harry and Hermione)

[davewitley]

No: HPFGUIDX 38639

Penny wrote:
>It'd be great actually if Ron & Hermione did date for a time & 
realize how completely & utterly wrong they are for each other 
(the "greatest literary mismatch of all time" as Jim F put it 
recently) & break up amicably.  

and:

>Ron's not my favorite character by any means, and I think he's 
absolutely, positively all wrong for Hermione.

This is something that has bugged me for some time.  At one (OT) 
level, it's just that I'm deeply suspicious of all attempts to 
matchmake by third parties, and consider, almost in principle, that 
one can't know whether two people are suited for one another.  To put 
a canon gloss on it, if it is our choices rather than our endowments 
that matter, the issue is not whether they are suited but whether, if 
together, they would make the choices that would make a relationship 
work out.  And by definition that is unpredictable.

But, on a more HPFGU sort of level, am I right in understanding that 
the basis for this assessment is their continued bickering?

The way I see the bickering is as follows:  Ron and Hermione already 
have a very deep relationship through shared experiences (and, as 
Tabouli pointed out months ago, because their lives revolve around 
Harry).  (As yet another parenthesis, am I missing something in the 
American usage of the term 'dating'?  To my British ears it connotes 
two people who don't know each other very well, consciously trying 
out a closer, but still not very close, relationship.  So there might 
be sex but very limited understanding.  As I explain below, if H&R 
were to become romantically involved I think they would completely 
leapfrog this step.)  At the same time, they have very different 
perceptions of what is important in life, and of the right way to 
act.  I believe their bickering stems from their unwillingness to 
acknowledge the value of this difference;  instead, they are engaged 
in a continual power struggle over their two world-views.  This is 
expressed in arguments about, for example, how homework should be 
tackled.

*However*, the fact that they engage in this power struggle is one of 
the main indicators to me that there is more to their relationship.  
Why doesn't Hermione just give up on Ron's attitude to homework?  Why 
doesn't Ron accept Hermione's attachment to the library?  Each of 
them wants to be responsible for the other in a way that, IMO, is 
uncharacteristic of friendship that is happy with the state it's at.

So, before R&H would ever *start* dating, they would have to face 
these issues.  They would have to accept that the other is different 
and has something valuable to say.  That they can learn from each 
other. Once they had done that, they would discover the strong 
foundations of mutual love and respect that have already developed 
through trolls, petrification, cat-rat forgiveness, and potions-
lesson embarrassments.

I think that it is precisely these lessons that Ron, at least, post-
ball, is starting to learn.  He is painfully coming to terms with the 
fact that he has to give Hermione space to be herself, to the extent 
of losing her to Krum.  Hermione has perhaps yet to learn that it is 
mistaken to try to reform Ron - as long as she does try, they *are* 
going nowhere; but it is mistaken, and something she needs to learn, 
whether they date or no.

So, as I understand it, if they were to 'date', they would have 
already tackled, if not actually removed, the cause of the 
bickering.  And it is hard for me, at least, to see how in that 
scenario they would still be unsuited.  But then, as I said at the 
beginning, it is hard for me to see (from the outside: sexual 
attraction is another issue entirely, IMO inexplicable to third 
parties) how any two people are unsuited once they have resolved to 
address the issues that cause antipathy between them.

David